Wednesday, January 13, 2010

If your life were a novel . . .

Imagine this. Your life is a story, and you’re the protagonist. This story revolves around you - your interactions with the people in it, your thoughts, dreams, goals, achievements, mistakes, joys and regrets.

How would you describe it? Is your life a routine? Or is it full of unexpected surprises?

Do you enjoy fulfilling relationships with the people you love? Or are your interactions with them too few and bland?

If you can use a colour to describe you and your life, what would it be? Why?

How do your thoughts influence or affect your life, and the people around you? Are they inspiring? Cheery? Or depressing? Moody?

What are you proud of? What are the things you regretted doing?

Does your story bring a smile to the readers? Tears of joy on their faces?

If your life were a novel, what kind of story would it be? Will it be a bestseller? Or not?

I think many of us live our lives as it is, as things happen. But do we stop, look back on the events and reflect? Do we analyse what has been good and bad?

Truth is, we usually don’t. That’s why we make the same mistakes more than twice, sometimes. And we’re blinded. We only see the things we want to see. We’re deaf. We only hear the words we want to hear.

So if we were to write about our lives, many of us might find it so hard to even begin to describe the characters in it. Yes, the most challenging person to write about is normally the one whom we should know like the back of our hands - ourselves. It’s not easy to acknowledge our faults and openly admit it in front of a crowd, is it? But when we’re able to do that, it can be so rewarding. And relieving.

And what roles do the others play and how they play them? How are the inter-relations influencing the dynamics and the development of the story?

If you were to write your story using more than one person’s point of view, how would that change the nature?

I think it would be fun writing this story. Because I’ll never know what experience I would get. What do you think?

An Expensive D&D

It was our 2nd wedding anniversary. Hubby and I went to our most loved Japanese restaurant Tatsuya for a night of pure, unrestrained and luxurious gourmet indulgence.

Used to locate at Park Hotel (formerly Crowne Prince), it now sits snugly in Goodwood Park Hotel beside the main entrance.

We called only in time to reserve a table at the outdoor area. Yes, business has been amazingly good at this watering hole. Fortunately, that night’s weather was cool and nice. With alluring jazz songs playing softly in the background, the ambience was set just right. 

Just right for couples to hold hands, lock gaze, whisper sweet nothings while waiting for the chef to decorate their little sushis.

Then, when the food is served, you look at these miniature rice dumplings for 3 seconds, admire the art of Jap cuisine for the next 5 seconds, and start eating. Once the first piece of sushi goes into your mouth, you forget about this person sitting opposite you. All the lovey-dovey stops. The food placed before you is the only thing you live for and you’d die for.

Is it really that good? Yes, I’m afraid it is.

We started with this appetiser - Crab Meat Tofu. Cleverly blended, the tofu had a textured feel when I bit into it. I could taste the strips of crab meat amidst the tofu’s softness. The preserved egg yolk added fragrance and a creamy sensation. My tongue was particularly delighted by the juice from those bits of salmon roe, which had just the right amount of crunchiness. This was just perfect.

Then we had the beef. Two half-palm thin slices of top grade matsusaka beef from Japan cooked in aburi style - half-broiled. A little crispy on the outside and tender inside. There was some fat which lubricated the chewing in my mouth. I didn’t quite appreciate this though as I’m not a fat lover. Given that it cost $20 per slice, I thought one slice nicely suffice!

Finally, the star of the night arrived: 8 pieces of sushi specially prepared by the chef. We wouldn’t know what would be on the plate until it arrives. The chef decides. Hence, there’s always the element of sweet surprise on top of the heavenly taste.

That’s it. The chef’s sushi was heavenly. You have to eat to know how great it is.

Our spirits and mood were lifted up after the sushi, and we were hungry for more. So we ordered one more special sushi that wasn’t on the menu - Salmon Roll.

It was a maki with a tempura prawn and avocado as the inner filling, and half-broiled salmon lying on top bathed in a special sauce. With some mayonnaise, it was simply lovely.

Tatsuya is truly a place for divine cuisine. If you want to celebrate a special occasion to dine and date, it’s a good choice.

The only reason you should reserve it for really special occasions is because the heavenly food comes with a rocket price. Unless you order from the menu, otherwise if you’re looking to taste the chef’s selections – which are the ones that separate them from the other Japanese restaurants – be prepared to part with a three-figure sum. Just to give you an idea, a plate of chef’s sushi (8 pieces) alone cost $110.

The price aside, it’s a good place to please your date, as could be seen from the many couples we saw that evening. 

Oh, if you’re lucky, you get to spot some celebrities too! And who are they, are you asking? Well, the likes of Fann Wong, Christopher Lee and Tay Ping Hui. An incentive to go or not, it’s up to you!

If you’re going, bon appétit!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Love is the answer in Avatar

Love is the answer.

That was the conclusion I got while craning my neck backward to watch the humans and Na’vi slaying one another in a bloody painful battle in Avatar.

There were no sides to be taken, because I’m sure nobody likes to see so many lives dead, homes destroyed, natural habitats demolished and trees that contain more interactive cells than the neurons in our brains razed to the ground.

Yet, the war did happen because of human greed. For greed, they’re willing to attack and invade a territory that doesn’t belong to them.

On the other side, trust, comradeship and love bond the Na’vi fiercely and closely. They fight to protect the planet, the people and the animals they love. Yes, even those strange creatures are loved by them.

What do the humans fight for? One person’s ambition? Another’s greed? Do these bond them for life, or only as long as they share the same goal?

Once a Na’vi couple is mated, they mate for life. There are no betrayals in the world they live in.

But betrayed they were.

And amidst the fiery bombings and heartbreaking betrayals, it is love that makes forgiving possible. It is love that heals the emotional wounds, reunite hearts and create miracles.

Love forges alliances and creates trust. Violence and greed, on the other hand, burns bridges and creates mistrust.

It is love that propels one human being to discard his real body and identity to be completely infused into his avatar. The figure that was supposed to represent him. Yet it eventually became him.

Love is the answer.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Wee! I’m old and happy!

The verdict was out. I stared at the screen in dismay as two digits splayed out in a big, loud fashion – 73. How could it be? How could I have degenerated so fast over the last few days?

According to the screen, I was 73 years old. But, barely a week ago was I only 63! So, what happened?

I couldn’t accept this fact. Depression overcame me as I slumped in the couch, pressing my knuckles and letting them sink deeply into the plush leather seat – my comfort zone – and reflected upon my own misery.

I can’t be that old, I thought. I had breezed through the tennis, smashed the bowling pins and almost had the pitcher flown away from the strong gush of wind created by the intensity of the ball I had hit!

So, how could I have aged 10 years in four days?

I sighed, and wallowed in misery even further.

But, deep, deep inside me, I know. Truth of the matter is, I’m not a sporty person. I mean, tennis? The ball isn’t even in my court! Bowling? That’s not up my alley. And baseball? Gosh! This, I should have scored since I do most of my running at home. 

“It’s okay, you’ll do better the next round,” Stuart consoled me with a sly grin. Of course, he was at least 20 years younger!

A few rounds of self-reflection (those games aren’t my favourite and I’ve yet to find my forte) and self-motivation (at least I’m not a centenarian, there’s still room to go!).

Keeping fit has always been an elusive challenge for me. The minute I think of doing exercise, something would crop up and prevent me taking action. So, when this little white thing appeared in my life a week ago, and looked very promising to sort out my existing exercise regime, I decided to just give it a go. The selections available were tempting, and they were screaming and yelling to me to be pally with them. So I did! And very quickly, I was hooked.

Tennis, boxing, baseball, bowling. You name it, I’m game! Because all I have to do is press a button and I can play standing up, sitting down or even lying down on that soft, plush couch. 

Welcome to Wii Sports. I bet you’d known what I was talking about if you already had one fixed in your home.

What’s the beauty of this game? Well, according to my observation and some active participation, it can be concluded that Wii Sports (or some other games) can be a pretty good tool for family and friends bonding. It lets two people who can be 50 years apart in age become the best of friends in just two seconds.

It lets two people who are in love to be either more in love, or to hate each other’s guts so much that they swear never to see their partner. Stuart had the cheek to beat me in boxing, so you can only guess how well-treated he was after that.

It lets parents step into the world of their computer-games addict children and learn to appreciate the fun of playing together as a family.

There was so much laughter, bantering and teasing going on while Stuart and I were playing with our niece and nephew. Later, when their mother joined us, we had our chance to tease back at her.

Now, if you were to add all our ages up, it would be more than a hundred. But still, we all behaved as if we were only 15. So there you go. We’ve easily and effortlessly closed the huge and ugly generation gap with just a touch of a button. 

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Mis-Adventures In Taiwan

When you think of a national park, what picture comes into your mind? Do you see a beautiful garden with blooming flowers dancing in the air, happy and fruitful bees decorating the horizon and possibly a sparkling lake radiating serenity and happiness to every visitor?

Well, I saw that in my mind, and it drew me like Winnie the Pooh to honey. I was hopelessly seduced and tempted to the idea of lunching by the lake. It would be idyllic and so romantic, I thought.

Without further consideration, I changed the day’s itinerary to include this event. I turned to Stuart and excitedly announced the decision: “Let’s go and have lunch beside the lake at Yang Ming Shan National Park tomorrow, ok?”

With his eyes still staring straight at the TV, he nodded his head and answered “Ok” robotically. I thought with glee about the romantic surprise he would get when we got there the next day.

He didn’t get his romantic surprise, but I got a rude shock instead.

Having told Stuart at least twice that I wouldn’t be going to Yang Ming Shan because I wasn’t dressed appropriately (in heels and dress, I think not!), it somehow didn’t seem to register in his head that we would be heading to exactly where I didn’t want to go!

By the time we realised, or rather I, realised, we were already half-way up the winding road uphill. Yes, we were going to Yang Ming Shan after all. This was Day 2 of my Taipei trip. Welcome to my first misadventure.

As my mistake continued to stare at me blatantly in the face as we meandered our way up the mountain in the taxi, I began to sulk. I felt so indignant! How could I make such an error, when I’d specifically told the hotel receptionist that I didn’t want to go to Yang Ming Shan, but the national park? Yet, nobody pointed out to me the obvious – that the national park was situated in the hill itself. Gosh! What was I thinking of when I saw the name?

We could smell the strong sulphur aroma wafting into our noses even when the windows were all winded up. Wanting to make the best out of this dire situation, I grabbed at every opportunity to take photos. Can you see the hot spring at the background?

Upon reaching our destination – which by now I wasn’t entirely sure where exactly it should be – at the taxi driver’s recommendation, we alighted at one of the more popular restaurants there. By this time, our stomachs were growling.

The soup cheered us up, since it warmed our stomachs pretty well. It tasted good too! And we treated ourselves to a hearty serving of hot, steaming buns – a Yang Ming Shan specialty.

Their specialty soup - Pineapple Bittergourd Chicken soup. Was very tasty, especially in cold weather!

Our lunch venue - the entrance, alfresco and indoor dining areas.

With our stomachs full, warm and happy, we – or rather I – were finally game enough to explore the place. Though the road ahead didn’t look very promising, we decided to walk uphill instead of down since that was where we came from. A short walk and I was in for a very pleasant surprise. Guess what greeted us?

Ta-dah! Windmills! Lots and lots of them! See, aren’t they cheery and cute?

My excitement evaporated shortly as we continued our trekking while looking out for the one and only transportation that could send us out – the public minibus – without seeing any in sight. The wind was blowing stronger by now and I grabbed onto my thin sweater desperately, swearing under my breath about this wrong decision.

Finally, after walking for another yard, or kilometre, or metre, or god-knows-how-long-it-was, we stopped. The road ahead was a very steep and windy road lined only by trees and nothing else. So, we had to stand there and wait for the bus. Now that would have been fine if the weather was cool and nice. But when it was chilly and windy and the only piece of clothing that could provide that one ounce of warmth was just a tiny cardigan, standing in the open would be the last place you want to be.

That was when I started to pray: “Oh Lord, please, please send us the bus now, before I freeze to death here. Please Lord, please. Amen!”

Lo and behold! The bus appeared! Talk about a speedy answer from God!

I couldn’t have scrambled onto a bus any faster in my entire life, truly! And we sped away from my first misadventure in Taiwan and went back to the city.

As I sat on the bus I couldn’t help reflecting upon this incident. In life, we like to make plans. But how many times do our plans turn out to be exactly how we envision and like them to be? More often than not, they don’t. So how do we deal with these irregularities? Sulk? Throw a tantrum? Stamp your feet with regret?

You can do all that, but you also know as well as I do that doing all these won’t help a bit.

The only thing we can do is to go with the flow and think of the next best alternative, with a positive attitude and can-do spirit. 

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Rich In Vitamin C - China

My husband and I are in our second leg of my 18-day China trip. Already, it has been pretty eventful. I realised that C doesn’t only stand for China, but a China that is full of Constructions, Confusions, Confidence-Building and Creativity.

My friend who is staying in Guangzhou, my first stop, told me that there are currently three thousand construction projects going on at the same time – all because the city is getting ready to impress the world once again at the 2010 Asian Games, where it will play the host.

And my, there really is construction going on at every stone’s throw away. Drilling, piling and building – dust is accumulating and flying all over the air. I even wondered if the fog was due to the cold weather or the pollution, and my friend had no clear answer for me too. Not that it mattered, as I spent most of my time in doors. To be more specific, at my friend’s home.

That was also when I had the chance to watch the TV programmes. I didn’t get hooked to any (Phew!), but what caught my eye were those motivational words that just scrolled up sentence after sentence! Yes, right on the TV.

All written in Chinese, I couldn’t memorise any by now, but I remember very clearly that they were all motivational. Inspiring people to work hard for the nation’s economy; believe in the leadership; create a beautiful future – these were just some examples. How’s that? You get inspired to go out and conquer the world just by sitting at home watching TV! Nice huh?

Not only was Guangzhou full of constructions and confidence messages, it was a city filled with creativity too. Well, maybe not the kind that is Nobel-prize worthy, but many times, you really had to give it to the brains behind the mischiefs.

My friend told me that revealing the gender of the baby to the parents is not allowed due to the one-child policy. Hence, the physicians came up with an answer that is both revealing and legal at the same time. When they say “Congratulations!” it means you’re having a baby boy. Otherwise, it would be safe to assume you’re carrying a baby girl.

Want to learn how to flout the traffic rules without getting caught? They had not just one, but a few, to achieve their goals. I had the honour to witness two already.

Of course, I am very inclined to believe that their creativity is everywhere – and not just “mischevious” acts – if only I had more time to stay here. 

Compared to our law-abiding society, China is much more interesting. Though it creates more confusion, it is also a fertile ground to breed creativity and innovation. Similarly, though we have more conformity, it also kills creativity and innovation.

Well, is there a way to have the best of both worlds – to have the cake and still eat it anyway? 

Friday, December 04, 2009

Excuse me, do you speak Xiao Xin lingo?

I’m back in KL, in the house with plenty of laughter, joy and happiness, plus moments of exasperation when conflicts appear among those boys.

Five months of separation created a fierce longing to be in their company. This anticipation grew even stronger in the countdown of the last seven weeks among the adults - my mum, sis and me.

I’m referring to the boys, my hyper-active, hyper-imaginative, hyper-naughty, hyper-adorable and hyper-loud nephews. Four of them.

I’ve had a taste of how funny they can be. Yet, nothing has prepared me for this new trend taking root in the family. They’re now crazily and hopelessly addicted to this boy who, if one has many lives, would have killed his own mother probably a zillion times over. Meet the boy who deserves a thousand spankings and a thousand and one kisses: Crayon Shinchan, aka La Bi Xiao Xin.

Spewing quotes and lines without even pausing for a second to recall, you can only imagine how truly, deeply and madly in love they are with this little rascal. Mind you, they were quoting what Xiao Xin says in verbatim.

My cousin had to, on several occasions, ban the boys from watching the cartoon movie because apparently, all they did was quoting Xiao Xin instead of concentrating on an even more important task at hand – their upcoming exams.

You know you have crazy fans when you see the character all over the house. Like in the toilet, for example.

Suddenly, we have a few Shin chans running around in the house. Singing that elephant song, saying those words and replicating those actions in the exact demeanour, voice and tonality. Talk about born talents. Don’t we already know that children are the greatest imitators in the world?

We have to be mentally and physically prepared around these boys: for some hilarious remarks that they would blurt out; for arguments and fights that would arise in the heat of the moment and which would dissolve as quickly as they surfaced, almost miraculously sometimes.

A million things were racing in their minds all at the same time, so much so that I really wonder: Where do all these weird, funny and out-of-the-world thoughts come from? These certainly weren’t born out of wedlock. They must have came from somewhere, someone.

And while I was entertaining these thoughts, one of them would pop his head – again out of nowhere since these boys don’t walk, they fly – and either ask me another million dollar question that I couldn’t answer well enough, or give a comment that makes me want to kiss and strangle them simultaneously.

Welcome to the world of the J4s, as they’re affectionately known to us. It takes, well, a bit of orientation to get used to all the action and noises they make. But, at the end of the day, when all’s left in the house is silence, we don’t get any more peace in our hearts than when they were monkeying around.

I think that’s the beauty of children.

They always manage to make you love and hate them at the same time. Who else has such powers?

Oh, by the way, before I forget. If you like to be their friend, I mean closer ones, then you better know your Shin chan lingo well enough. Fortunately, I’ve had some in my database many years back. It’s now time to fish them out and build rapport with my darlings!

Ciao! 

Thursday, November 26, 2009

The Secret To That Everlasting Glow

I’ve read many personal development books, and many of them swear by the belief that happiness comes from within. It’s inside you. Happiness doesn’t come from a gleaming new half a million dollars sports car. Nor does it come from a wardrobe full of branded clothes, bags, scarves and shoes.

It comes from what’s inside you – your emotions, thoughts, feelings. It is what you feed to your inner soul that emanates to your brain that tells you that you’re happy.

Now, I swear by these too. And I also witnessed one more thing that will make you feel, think and have loving and positive feelings, thoughts and emotions. What is it?

It is something that we have all known already. We probably have heard it so many times that we’re numb to this word.

It spells like this – A.T.T.I.T.U.D.E

Spells easy, reads easy. But to have a positive and cheery one isn’t as easy. To have a positive and cheery one and still maintain it in lousy days is even more challenging.

Yet there are those who’ve done it.

There was this taxi uncle who had it. He made my journey a very pleasant, enjoyable and certainly memorable one as he extolled the merits and virtues of being a cab driver.

There was this waitress who had it. She would beam with pride and happiness as she recommended us the popular dishes in the restaurant and watched us eat them in content.

There was this teacher who had it. Her gentility and tireless energy brought so much goodness into her class of students who had been sidelined by mainstream teachers due to their poor grades and even poorer concentration and interest in studies.

There was this stay-home dad who had it. His positive outlook in life made him appreciated the opportunity to be with his daughter, watch her grow and be a part of her life in an intimate way, even when the society still carried an unspoken prejudice towards men homemakers.

Hey, you would have known him if you had tuned in to Channel 8 from 9pm to 10 pm, Monday to Friday! Okay, I know, he isn’t real. He’s just one of the daddies in the current drama serial Daddy at Home. But, he has clearly demonstrated an undisputed fact that with a positive attitude towards anything in life, you are ultimately the winner.

By learning to see the merits of another side of life – one that was the total opposite of what he used to be: a senior corporate person who had it very well in his hey days to a family man whose world revolves around his wife and daughter – this daddy had discovered the true meaning of happiness.

It doesn’t come with the number of zeroes in your pay cheque, or how long your title is in your name card.

It comes with a positive attitude in your life. And with it, no matter what you do, you derive pride from it. You feel that you are important, and you are contributing to make this world a better place.

Naturally, you feel happy, because you have love. You love life. You love your family. You love yourself for who you are.

And when happiness seeps from inside, you can’t help but carry a glint in your eyes, glow on your face and a spring in your steps.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Send me to Paradise

Those fingers gently but firmly caressed my arms in masterful strokes. The slightly rough bits found in the scrub added texture and pressure to the massage. I could feel the dead cells exfoliated, and my skin scrubbed and cleansed. Instantly, I felt I was one kilo lighter.

Then, those same fingers found their way to my upper shoulders and kneaded away my fatigue, before ending their voyage on my face. I could feel the molecules on those areas being teased and pampered as my pressure points were lovingly tended to, sending a wave of bliss over my entire body and soul. It was like I was floating in the air. The warmth of the bed reminded me that I was still rooted: I was on Earth, and not heaven.

My therapist would vary her strokes – swirling round in circles, grazing in longish strokes or patching in palms – and yet with a consistent rhythm that served well to put one into a trance. The humming and water pattering sounds on a surface at my upper-left side above my head was a tad loud for my comfort. At a window of opportunity when the therapist was preparing for the next ritual of pampering, I tilted my eyes leftward and caught a glimpse of the culprit. Ahh, it was a fish tank.  The engine’s humming and the water pattering was consistently sounding off, so they too had a rhythm. All these combined to put me in a trance-like consciousness. Very soon, I drifted into sleep.

Forty-five minutes later, I walked out of the facial room, refreshed. My skin felt suppler and I couldn’t resist smiling. I love such pampering of my skin – facials, massages and spa. You name it, I would jump at it.

One would suppose that everyone would love the sensation of being caressed and touched. Yet, I was utterly surprised when I learnt that wasn’t the truth! Among my friends, there are some who aren’t impressed with such blissful adventures. My husband happens to be one of them. Fortunately, these are minority.

I can’t figure them out, especially when I love being massaged to death. I can lie there and be willingly, longingly and uninhibitedly at the mercy of the ten fingers. Knead, rub, twist, pat, swirl. Anything that can ease my body fatigue, relax my physique and entrance my soul is wholly welcomed.

Most women are like me. We love this kind of physical touch. So guys, if you are willing to invest some time to learn the basics of body massage and do your partners this service, you’ll have some “puppies” at the end of each session – gazing at you lovingly and waiting to paw all over you with eternal gratitude.

I only wished the humming could be much softer.

She’s Inspired By The Other She Who’s Inspiring!

Julie and Julia. These two women don’t just share a similar name. They are intimately connected by one deep passion too, despite separated by space and time.

Julie is at a crossroad in her life. Not someone who has ever completed something in her life before, she gamely takes up the suggestion of her husband to start a blog. After a few rounds of to-and-fro on what to write, she decides to challenge herself to blog about cooking. Not just ordinary cooking where she does when she has time or the mood to, but to finish cooking 52 recipes by the famous celebrity chef Julia Child in 365 days.

What does this challenge mean?

This means she has to cook everyday, by hook or by crook, be it rain or shine, in sickness or in health. In order to achieve this, she’ll be putting her full-time job and her marriage at risk, according to her, all because of one person’s inspiration.

Meet Julie Powell (Amy Adams) and Julia Child (Merryl Streep) in the movie Julie and Julia. Julie is so inspired by Julia that she not only throws herself such a huge challenge, informs the whole cyber world about it – thereby putting herself at a bigger risk if she calls it quits half-way – she eventually manages accomplish this feat, despite some hiccups and a marriage crisis in the process.

Have you found yourself in a similar situation before? I’m sure all of us would, at one time or other, feel lost in life. It seems as if nothing matters anymore, and we feel a huge sense of defeat weighing on us, pinning us to the ground. Our goals are either blurred, or they are still non-existent.

We stand at a cross road, and we can’t decide which way to go. For others, they are just standing on a road which either leads to nowhere or they are facing a dead end.

At times like this, how we wish we can have someone walk to us, and lead us to the light. To tell us that we aren’t alone. To encourage us and let us feel that we are still important. He/she doesn’t have to be exactly a friend, or someone we have met.

Like Julie and Julia. One has never met the other, but through Julia’s works, Julie feels immensely inspired. It feels great to be able to inspire someone. And it’s also a wonderful uplifting feeling to be so greatly inspired by someone too. It’s like a huge dose of confidence that propels you to take immediate action. This motivation is so stimulating that you simply cannot not take action and do it.

I have experienced such inspirations before. To me, it is a one-of-a-kind moment. It takes my breath away, leaving me so rejuvenated that unless I do something right away, the energy will over-accumulate and drown me in it.

It is a moment of truth, of empowerment, or realisation, of discovery and of hope. Endless hope.

And when you have the fortune to be on the other side, you’ll feel equally blessed too - to be able to inspire someone who might still be searching for their life’s direction if not for something you’ve said or done.

Was there such a moment in your life before? How was it like to you?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Just A Little Thought, But . . .

I’m not sure if the other users feel the same way, but it has certainly scored huge brownie points with me. Gauging from my relatively high standards (er-hem, I think so) when it comes to customer service, I suppose this little thoughtful gesture from M1 is, indeed, sweet!

Doing some research on the ground as I began my search, few weeks ago, for a mobile phone (again!), I was having two (or three?) minds on the provider to sign up with. Starhub has its carrot dangling with their hub discounts, effectively pushing Singtel out of the ballgame temporarily. Unless I’m getting the iPhone.

Then came M1 with its Multi-Line saver plans. Therefore I began punching the calculator furiously, and making notes on how much I could potentially save if I were to migrate my plan and my mum’s over to M1. Thousands of questions rose in my head, and I made close to half a dozen calls to their customer service to get all the issues sorted.

That was when I discovered this little thoughtful gesture from M1 that was, indeed, sweet!

As with all the Interactive-Voice Recognition (IVRs) – this is what all these systems are officially called - in Singapore, I was half expecting the voice to run me through a whole list of options before they finally, reluctantly, give me the number to choose to speak to a human being.

But, surprise, surprise! If you were a M1 customer, all you had to do was punch in your mobile number, and the next option was, guess what? The number to choose to speak to their customer service was announced crisp and clear, before they proceed to the other options. And if you use your M1 mobile to call them, you can save the step of keying in your mobile number. Sweet! I was taken aback!

This truly, genuinely, amazingly saves me (and I believe, everyone who calls them) so much time, and I really, really, really appreciate it! This is what I call customer service – by analysing customers’ needs and putting it first.

In contrast, the other companies are only thinking of automating the system as much as possible to raise efficiency and productivity – their efficiency and productivity – at the expense of our time and money.

By thinking about what customers (and potential ones) need and like, and putting our interests before them, M1 is actually creating a genuine goodwill that will only put them in very good light against the other providers. It is a win-win situation. I’m not sure if it actually costs them more, if people take advantage of that option and speak to the customer service officer for issues that could be resolved using the automated system, but even if it does, I believe it still pays off for customer satisfaction.

Having run a dating agency where it was so much about client relations, excellent customer service was one of our company’s motto, and we stuck to it like Winnie the Pooh would to honey. We prided ourselves in having happy and satisfied members. Even when we had to spend a considerable length of time to listen to them, we did it nevertheless. I still remember talking to someone on the phone for more than an hour and eventually she hung up, happy.

Many agencies would frown at such a gesture, because we were effectively cutting our efficiency with such long phone calls. We could have made at least a dozen calls to other members and arranging the same number of dates.

But to us, members came first.

As with M1. That little thought went so far, and did so much for me.

It’s really just a little thought that can count so much. 

I believe if you did the same thing to your partner, your mum, dad, sister, brother, best friend, or even your co-worker, I’m sure it would not only bring a smile to their face, it might just be the best thing that happened to them that day!

And I’m sure they’ll remember it for a long, long time to come.

P.S I was equally thrilled to learn that M1 has won the contract to offer iPhone later this year. Hahaha! I couldn’t stop myself from laughing in glee… Hmm…

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Army Husband’s Guide 4 – Kids Connection

So, you’ve been in and out of your home very frequently, and to your children, you’re slowly turning into just a face that appears when it appears. Like the visiting uncle, or neighbour.

But you know the difference. You are not the visiting uncle. You are their father, and you want to and have to be involved in their lives. Question is, in what way?

Are you going to be the disciplinarian? Or are you going to be your kids’ best friend?

It’s challenging to be both simultaneously, but you realise that’s the best possible solution. After being away for some time, it really pains you to be home (finally!) and start brandishing the cane in front of your misbehaved children. Yet, you cannot sit there and allow them to exploit your kindness as this is going to add to your wife’s burden when you’re away again and she becomes the disciplinary mistress.

There is no best way to do this. You have to discuss with your wife and agree on the rules that have been set for the children and to follow them regardless of a returning father’s love. However, that doesn’t preclude you from getting down to your knees and really be their friend. Here’s how you can do this:

1. Reading to them

Read a story book to your infants. Record your story telling in a DVD so that whenever your kids miss you when you aren’t around, your wife can play the DVD and get them instantly connected to their daddy through the story.

Remember to make the story more animated, and every now and then, raise your head and give them good eye contact.

Since you’ll probably know how long you’ll be gone in the next deployment, you can record the stories before hand. One new story every week should be good enough to last them until you’re back.

2.  Make it personal!

Have some me-time with your children, especially if they’re in their pre-teens or teenage years. They are at a sensitive stage where they may see themselves as adults and therefore, not willing to see you as the figure of authority.

If you have more than one kid, have a meal or chat with them separately. Bring them for a nice dinner, or an activity they enjoy doing. Have a heart-to-heart chat. Let them know what you have been doing during your absence, and find out more about their lives too. Listen with an open-mind. Do not be quick to infuse your own values and perspectives into theirs and start lecturing them on what should be the correct thing to do. Remember, you want to connect with them, and to do that, you have to be at their level and see things from their eyes. 

Be a teenager in your heart, and a father in your head.

If you realise your adolescent is not opening up to you as openly and freely as you hope, be patient. After all, they have their own lives and you’d rather respect their need for privacy than to pry and insist they spill the beans on what they have been up to with their friends when daddy wasn’t home.

3. Family time

Go out and/or do things together as a family. It’s important for your children to know that the family is whole despite you being absent so often. And going out or doing things as a family is the best way for them to feel the bonding and love shared as a unit.

You can watch a favourite movie at home together, eating popcorns and discussing about the characters or just having a good laugh.

Have dinner as a family is also a good way to catch up on each member’s day. The family that eats together stays together, or so they say!

4. Helping out

Your children may have been assigned certain chores to help out around the house when you aren’t around. When you’re back, how do they feel about you doing some of these chores? Are they excited that you’re sharing the tasks with them? Or do they feel like you’re treading on their territory?

Depending on how your children react to you helping out around the house, you can either let them continue as the way it has been without you or you can chip in your bit of strength and labour away with them as part of your bonding exercise.

The key here is to be aware of what changes has taken place in your absence and blend yourself in as smooth as you can. But, there can never be a transition without any hiccups, so, be patient with yourself and your family.

This wraps up the series The Army Husband’s Guide for you, our soldier husband and daddy. 

It’s never easy to juggle the nation’s duties and your family’s duties on your shoulders at the same time. It certainly isn’t something that comes as-is, therefore continuous and open communication and efforts have to be constant between you and your wife. When there’s a will, there’s a way! 

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Where Have All The Lanterns Gone?

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival my dear friends!

I was having breakfast this morning when it suddenly dawned on me that I haven’t been seeing any shops selling lanterns. Only mooncakes were displayed abundantly everywhere. So, where have all the lanterns gone?

I miss those lanterns of yore sorely. Coming in various designs - chicken, rabbit, dog - these lanterns made of colourful translucent papers were hanging proudly in the shops, blatantly wooing children like myself to pester our parents for some money to buy them home.

Then, we would wait impatiently for the day to arrive, I mean night, so that all the children would rush out from their homes and show off their lanterns, brightly lit with candles! Yes, it was after some time that battery operated lanterns came into the market. However, those lanterns did not charm us one bit. Rather, the good ole’ fashion of candle-lit ones made our adrenaline rush to the fore.

Holding these lanterns in our hands, we were all reminded - for the 1001 time by our parents and grandparents - to watch out for the fire. Hence, everyone was extremely careful not to swing the lanterns too much and not to run. Now come to think of it, what is so fun and exciting about merely walking around holding a potential fire hazard, albeit beautiful, cute and interesting? It just was fun.

The candle flames made our faces blush and we all look pretty and handsome under the flattering light. The smiles on our faces further lit us up in glowing radiance. The jolly atmosphere enveloped everyone under the beautiful round moon dancing happily in the sky.

Mooncakes were shared among neighbours and everyone chatted and laughed until the night was no longer young. Then, very reluctantly, we blew off our candles and retired our lanterns for the year. And once again, we began to wait for next year to come when we could bring these animals out again into the glory.

Hmm ... those were the days of how we celebrated the Mid-Autumn Festival when I was a child. It was a day where people build relationships and strengthened their bonds with each other.

How do you celebrate yours? 

Friday, October 02, 2009

The Army Husband’s Guide 3 - Reconnecting

I kickstarted this series with the post about the fundamental C – Communication. I mentioned that your wife is most probably playing in her mind loving and cosy images of you returning home from a deployment.

The truth is, more often than not, you may not be in the mood for such nice and lovely reunion. You might need to take a short break to be alone, and use this time to come to terms with life back home.

This reconnection can be tricky. On one hand, it seems a no-brainer to re-integrate yourself back into the family since you’re a part of it anyway.

On the other hand, there could be a few challenges lurking around the corners waiting for you to tackle them wisely. Yes, the key word here is wisely.

Things are happening every day, every moment even when you’re not around. To get up to speed on the past events that have taken place is something you need to do as soon as possible without feeling overwhelmed.

Your child may be stringing words into sentences that you find hard to construe when just before you left, he is only making some incomprehensible noises.

Your cousin has just given birth and everyone is gushing about this newborn in the whole family, while you can’t even attach a face to the baby’s name.

Your wife has a promotion and the family celebrated it with her by having a scrumptious meal without you around.

New rules have been set in the house so that the toddler wouldn’t burn the house down due to your negligence.

There has been some bad news too. Someone in the family has been retrenched; fallen ill, or just recently had a bad break-up.

With all these events happening, big or small, certainly the atmosphere and dynamics in the family has changed. How are you going to adapt to all these in short notice and settle in comfortably?

How has your role in the family changed now that you’re frequently absent? You may find that decisions have to be made in your absence, and chances are even when you’re back, this “head of the family” title may not be so naturally reinstated in a moment’s notice.

Be patient, and at the same time, do your best to help around the house as much as you can. Be as involved in the lives of each family member as you can. Let them know that despite you not being with them, your heart has always been caring for them.

Take a stroll with your wife. It is a great time to just chat about anything under the sky and listen to each other intently. Listen to your wife when she tells you what has been going on in her life while you are not around. This will make her feel that she’s still special in your heart.

Are you able to journal during your deployment? Maybe it’ll be good to spend some time at the end of the day to write down your thoughts and feelings throughout the day. What have you seen, what have you done and what impact or difference have you made to some other people’s lives? Write a letter to your wife and your kids if possible and pass the whole bunch to them when you’re back. When they read them, they’ll be able to feel how you felt when you were carrying out your duties. In a way, these letters and your journal connect them with you. They serve as a great ice-breaker too, don’t you agree?

If writing is tough for you, how about doing a voice recording? MP3 players double up as voice recorders nowadays and they’re very portable. Or maybe taking photos will do the trick too!

You may feel awkward to be intimate with your wife after such a long absence. Well, be prepared to feel awkward (tell yourself it’s ok!), at the same time pull on your old charm and rekindle that passion again!

If things really turn too awry in your relationship and it’s getting too tough to handle, like if you’re having too many heated arguments, excessive anger or any unresolved emotional burden you inherited from your last deployment, be open to look for a marriage counsellor.

The main point is, reconnecting with your spouse doesn’t just come naturally just because you’re both married to each other. It needs some effort on both parties. Though it may be challenging at times, but the rewards of a healthy, loving and lasting marriage is definitely worth much more than what you’ve put in.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

The Army Husband’s Guide 2 – Missing You

Your wife misses you when you’re not around. Take this to be the default situation.

So, what can she do when she’s missing you?

She can mop around the house feeling miserable about herself, and questioning again for the thousandth time why did she marry a soldier?

Or, she can stroll around the house feeling your presence at every nook and cranny, thereby filling up her love tank even as you aren’t physically there.

I’ll bet you want her to feel loved, rather than frustrated. The challenge lies in – how can you achieve this when you’re not around most of the time?

Maybe the following tips might help you to tackle this easier.

1. Leave your footprints everywhere. You can do this by sticking post-it notes everywhere in the house. In the kitchen. On the mirror. In her wallet. Inside the pocket of her jacket. In the pantry. Behind the TV. On the toilet bowl. On her toothbrush. In the microwave oven.

2. Start a project with her. It can be a jigsaw puzzle, or collecting growing a potted plant. Something for her to continue working on when you’re on deployment. As it is a project that both of you started together, it’s a good source of energy for her when she’s missing you. It’s as if you’re there with her doing it, even though you’re not. 

3. Take lots of photographs together. Nothing is more comforting than to be able to see our loved one’s face when we miss them sorely.

4. Send her flowers. You can ask someone to do it for you on your behalf periodically when you’re not around. If it’s possible, you can pre-write some cards and pass them to your friend to attach it to the flowers.

5. Set up an anchor. Find something that your wife likes and give more meaning to it. It can be a plush toy you gave her on your wedding anniversary. It can be the couch in which both of you spend time snuggling on while watching DVD at home. It can be a mug with a personalised message written by you to her. Just get an item and create wonderful memories around it. So that when your wife misses you too much, all she needs is to be near or hold this item close to her heart and release this flood of love and warmth into her.

These five methods may sound easy, but when you and your wife have been married for more than a decade, when you’re already so bogged down with your duties, you don’t see the need to do such things anymore. You’ve lost the motivation, unlike newly-wed couples.

After all, as your wife, she has to be understanding of your job, be supportive and not make any requests that will eat into your resting time.

That is true. At the same time, there is no marriage in this world that doesn’t require any work on either party to maintain it. Ask your wife if she’d be happy to receive a love gesture from you. I’ll bet her answer is yes, regardless if she’s a fifty year old mother of three, or a twenty-five year old young bride of yours.

And if making a small effort goes a big way into keeping your marriage loving and healthy, why not?