Friday, July 03, 2009

When L.O.V.E Turns Into O.B.S.E.S.S.I.O.N

Lisa’s attraction to a successful and charming man at work turns into a full-blown, uncontrolled obsession as the days pass and the harmless flirting evolves into a love affair. An affair that is sizzling, passionate and really, really hot – a relationship that would make any woman melt. Except that it’s not real. It’s all in her own mind. 

This scenario may be the plot in movie Obsessed, but in reality, there are many Lisas around. Lisa Sheridan (Ali Carter) is so obsessed with Derek Charles (Idris Elba) that she resolves to intrude into his family and take everything that belongs to him and his beautiful wife, Sharon Charles (Beyoncé Knowles).

It’s not hard to guess women like Lisa probably has a psychological problem. Researchers call it Delusional Stalking. 

Jealous that she wasn’t her boyfriend’s first love, Samantha went to great lengths snooping around to lay hands on her boyfriend’s exes’ information, including their Facebook accounts, MySpace etc. She continuously compared herself with each of these “ghosts of her boyfriend’s past”, mostly to see who is more beautiful, who has a better figure and if they are dating someone else. Her boyfriend eventually found out about this and asked her to stop.

She did, only momentarily. The straw that broke the camel’s back came when her boyfriend discovered she found out the address of an ex and went to her house.

When it comes to obsession, women may not be the fairer sex. Men who are insecure about themselves, usually over a beautiful and sexy partner, may even attempt to occupy her time using money. Sending them flowers all the time, bringing them on vacations and doing what they can to isolate their girl from the world. They want her to belong to only him, and him alone.

Men whose partners initiated a break up may find it hard to get over their past relationship and end up stalking their ex-girlfriends. Every moment of their waking time was spent on wondering which guy their ex is dating, what they are doing. Scenes of their intimacy play up surreal images in their minds, heightening up their anxiety and pushing them towards the edge of a nervous breakdown.

For some guys, they even dated people of the same names, or sharing similar characteristics and look-a-likes. 

We all know that such obsessions are unhealthy – both to the person and to the relationship. How can we deal with such obsessions then?

When you notice yourself having this urge to want to have someone wrapped around your finger, or if you are spending more time imagining a wonderful life you would be spending with a person than you do, say, talking to that person, then I’d advise you to go for counselling. 

Extreme jealousy, getting obsessed over someone, fantasising are usually signs of underlying issues like the inability to trust someone and a deep sense of insecurity. Perhaps there has been an unfaithful member in your family, or you have experienced something traumatic in your childhood like abandonment, but you wouldn’t be able to help yourself if you don’t even know what the source of the issue is.

Getting rid of anything and everything that reminds you of the person helps. What is out of sight is easier out of mind. Engage yourself with activities that bring you out of the house. Surround yourself with positive people – their energy can be the most exhilarating uplift you need. 

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A Pinch of Sugar

My 6-year-old nephew was enjoying himself with the spread of scrumptious food in front of him, when joy turned into a mini crisis. His sudden cries shook our table and all of us turned our heads to see him crumbling into a pool of tears, when one second before he was still happily tucking into his food.

He had accidentally bitten on the steel fork which poked into his gum. Incidentally, the tooth that was affected was already shaking and threatening to come out since that morning – double whammy!

Kicking his feet and flailing his arms, my nephew screamed with pain, and tears gushed out as he cried endlessly. My cousin, his mother, was doing her best to console him, but nothing seemed to work. My sister and I were shocked, and as much as our brains were reeling to find a solution, they seemed to have gone for a short vacation - nothing came out.

Then, his dad suggested ice therapy to ease the pain. Immediately, my nephew’s eldest brother went to get it. Apparently, the ice left him, rather than the pain, cold. My nephew continued to cry hysterically.

I got more flustered.

In the midst of consoling and trying ways and means to distract his attention, my godpa sauntered over from the next table and said: “Give him some sugar.”

Sugar! That keyword immediately rang many bells - in my cousin, my sister and my mum’s heads.

That’s right! Sugar! My sister instantly recalled how my grandmother had once applied sugar on her lips when she fell and was bleeding. Sugar not only can help to stop bleeding, the sweetness is also a natural painkiller. Most importantly, kids love sugar, don’t they?

Without a moment to lose, my cousin-in-law sprinted away to get some sugar from a waitress. Then, I witnessed a moment of transformation – the second a pinch of sugar was placed at the affected area, the screaming softened to a mere sob. Shortly, this kid in pain stopped crying.

The adults in distress were all relieved. This episode showed me one thing – an elder is like a treasure chest. You never know when you can find a prize.

Parenting in this modern era has taken many turns since our parents’ days. As young fathers and mothers read up more about parenting, the gap between them and their own parents slowly widened.

No doubt knowledge is power, yet at the same time, nothing beats experience.

If you are a first time parent, often, it pays to hear some age-old wise advice from your parents, or even grandparents! They have many tricks up their sleeves passed down to them from their parents. Though these methods may not be acknowledged by western medical practitioners, they have been time tested for as long as decades! 

Just like that pinch of sugar.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The X “M” Factor

The boys ate sparingly during dinner, because they were saving their stomachs for a treat later.

Surprisingly, so did we – my sis and I.

Impatiently, we counted down to our planned supper as the clock ticked away. When the bill was called, the anticipation grew.

Finally, we arrived at the all-too-familiar place where we were greeted by the all-too-familiar Uncle Ronald McDonald with his big cheesy smile and wave.

Loading up on the burgers, fries, toys and desserts, we happily took off in our car and headed home. 

Everyone sat around the table and we started our supper party. As we eagerly tucked in the spread in front of us, memories of our dinner just thirty minutes ago were cleaned away as the crispy fries went down into our stomachs.

I sat there, eating my fries and couldn’t help thinking – why do kids love McDonald’s so much? And I realised that not only children love it, this fastfood restaurant has been with me throughout the years.

I remember how I used to hang around McDonald’s when I was an undergraduate. All my friends and I needed were an order of fries and Coke and we were good to stay there for 5 hours. 

I remember how McDonald’s was, by default, the breakfast place when I stayed up with my friends over a sleepless night – studying, playing mahjong or having a barbeque during my teenage years.

I remember how my eyes would light up each time I passed by McDonald’s when I was around 8 years old.

And now, McDonald’s is a place where I please my little nephews and nieces with the Happy Meal toys, those French fries, burgers and ice-creams.

McDonald’s is really not just a fastfood chain. It has been there in my generation, is here in this generation, and I believe, will continue to be here in more generations to come.
It is, as what my cousin puts it, the only food that we know is certainly safe to eat (in terms of food hygiene and taste) when we are overseas and everything look foreign.

I totally agree.

McDonald’s has kept up with its unique ability to continually attract people of all age groups. I call this their X “M” factor.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Paradox of Instant Communication

Even as the drama wasn’t yet into its second commercial break, talk about it has already begun – in Facebook, and maybe some other corners in cyberspace that I haven’t know of.

With wireless technology, it has brought one more vice onto the dining table. While we used to eat our dinner and watch TV at the same time, now multi-tasking means more than doing two things concurrently. If we can manage three, we go with it. 

Watching TV, surfing the net, eating, chatting with friends online and playing games (handheld PSP, online etc) – what else can you think of?

While this new generation of geeks (I mean, there has to be a certain level of aptitude to handle all these gadgets and integrate into each activity seamlessly, right?) feel that squeezing more tasks into one same minute is more productive, their appetite for efficiency overflows to speed in communication too.

They talk – in big and small sense, and they talk fast. 

The availability of internet has given a huge space for people to show their likes and dislikes. In the entertainment industry where consumers’ tastes and opinions are highly sought after, this new media has proven to be a bonus.

No longer is the painful wait for an artiste to see how the consumers are responding to a new song, drama or movie. But now that the comments are coming non-filtered and totally raw, can they take the awful ones? Would this be more agonising?

I guess it’s no longer their call. The internet is there like a big, bottomless hole, waiting to take in anything and give you back – ready or not to receive regardless.

Is this the paradox of fast and instant communication? Hmm …

And the drama that has been receiving the attention (and flak?) is none other than the one that reunites the reigning queens of Caldecott Hill - The Ultimatum on the first night of its run.

And all these bits and pieces of gossip, information and latest updates are not the sole territory of celebrities only. Normal people aren’t spared this attention too.

A friend was recently shocked to learn that he could be found on Google. With no memberships in social networking sites (Facebook, Friendster or MySpace, you name it, he’s not in it), no blogs and simply no place or corner to call his own in the cyberspace, how could his name crawl into this big web? It did, though by no means of his own effort.

Fortunately, friendly notes about this guy were made by his friends who deemed him worthy enough to be mentioned. But, imagine if the opposite were true. Quite a scary possibility, isn’t it?

The speed in the modern world of communication: is it here to make or break? 

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Contented with Happiness

Stalls peddling wares, titbits, toys, household stuff, vegetables, meat and food were spread in a randomly organised fashion on the huge spread of stony sandy land.

Standing in the middle of this market, my sister and I didn’t really know how to function without getting lost. We were visiting our cousin in Kajang, a town about half an hour’s drive from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

That morning, she brought us to the market to see what we would like for breakfast and to do some marketing. As she meandered her way familiarly through the stalls, stopping by her usual ones, my sister, mother and I followed her closely in her trail.

Looking after our cute and lively nephews, we were busying ourselves at a particular stall selling household items and some toys. While waiting for the little ones to choose what they wanted, my eyes took a quick tour of the place.

People of all ages and races were standing behind their stalls – some by their vans – selling a variety of items. The market was very much alive at 9.30 a.m.

Slowly sweeping across the bustling marketplace, one girl caught my eye. Wearing a white loose T-shirt with her neck-length hair half tied up, she looked like she was, at the most, in her early 20s. Waving to someone whom I reckoned she knew, she was wearing a smile that attracted my attention. Then she waved again in another direction.

I stood there and observed her on the sly, and I was at once captivated by that energy. The kind of simple bliss and happiness she radiated struck me. I remembered thinking: “Why does she look so happy, and at ease? Is she really happy? Is she forced to come here and sell breakfast by her parents, or did she volunteer? Is she still studying? Is this her full-time job?”

That girl looked contented. And I was perplexed. I found my imagination straying, wondering what she would be doing after she ended her business for the day. Would she be meeting her friends? Would she be helping in the household chores? Would she be reading, or going onto the Internet maybe?

Of course, I wouldn’t be able to get my answers, since I left the place not knowing who she was. Nevertheless, my curiosity remained piqued until now.

Are these teenagers happy with their lives? Are they contented in this routine every day – getting up early in the morning, prepare the food or merchandise to sell then setting up stall in the marketplace?

Is that girl happy because she wasn’t aware of other alternatives, that there is another world that is very different from the one she is living in?

Or is she happy just because life, really, is nothing but being around with your loved ones, staying healthy and having enough to satisfy our basic essentials of living – eating well, sleeping comfortably and dressed nicely?

And guess what? Even though she wasn’t dressed in designer labels or in anything that can be remotely linked to having a sense of fashion, even though she wasn’t wearing any make-up, she actually looked pretty to me.

Are we asking too much, or are they too contented? What do you think?

The Big Amnesia

We had to ditch our names, literally. Reverting to our Chinese names, except for a couple or two who have been using their English names all along, we re-introduced ourselves again to squeals of delight and gasps of astonishment from the two rows of eager adults sitting facing each other at a long rectangle table. 

Welcome to the world of secondary school mates reunion!

If there was a contest of memory, I would have lost hands down. I couldn’t even remember those from the same batch as me, let alone those who were my seniors.

But, forgiveness was graciously given, peppered with some bits of sarcasm, of course (who would let such an opportunity off?) that night as I kept bowing and apologizing (while making lots of excuses for myself) for my poor memory.

In times like this, one really wonders what have we done or not done in the past. Why couldn’t I remember most of the “incidences” so effortlessly described by these ex-school mates as I struggled to put the pieces together in my wretched state of reminiscence? 

One big consolation, however, was even though we haven’t seen each other for more than a decade (yes, I won’t tell you when I graduated, and you’re not to even begin guessing!), there wasn’t any need to play ice-breaking games. The freely-flowing (ahem, not free flow, but it keeps flowing from the repeat orders), nice golden calamari and red hot buffalo wings aptly warmed all of us up.

Plus, the excitement of not seeing each other for so long actually melted away any apprehension all of us would have and brought everyone straight into the most anticipated session – gossip! I mean, catching up, really. We’re just concerned with those who were present, though bits and pieces of information were passed round on those who were unfortunately absent. 

What a nice feeling to be back in good ole’ company once again. 

Hail Facebook! If not for it, the gathering wouldn’t have been orchestrated and played out so smoothly. Looking forward to the next one …

When was your last school gathering? Were there any special or funny moments that you like to share?

Thursday, April 30, 2009

A Child’s Observation

As we grow up, we gain some, we lose some.

Ideally, we should gain more than we lose. But it depends on what we gain and what we lose.

Some things that are lost are actually gains. For example, if we shed those baby fat, we look better and we’re fitter.

But if we lose the sense of observation we had as a knowledge-hungry, eager-to-learn child, then it really is a regret that we have to live with for as long as we don’t find it back.

I got that jolt back to reality a few days ago. A 7-year-old little girl had completely beaten me when she imitated an adult in one of this person’s signature moves – something that had gone past me totally unnoticeable.

It was a very small gesture, yet this little girl had not only noticed it, but she actually remembered it and re-enacted the action as if she was the original creator.

I was very much bemused – how could I not? But, that minute of laughter was shadowed by the realisation that I had probably lost that sense of observation. Or, had I lost that sense of alert to pick up signs that are unusual?

Have I become inept at learning already?

This notion scares me to the core. I cannot become inept at learning, because that will be equivalent to sapping the life away from me. Once a person stops learning, they stop growing.

Regaining the sense of awareness is the first step to finding back that sense of keen observation and enthusiastic attitude towards learning and growing when I had growing up.

At times, all it takes is to become a child again. How hard can it be?

It can, when pride comes in the way. Just look at all the adults around us. 

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

So, He Thinks He Is Funny?

After punching in my message, I tapped my fingers impatiently on the table, waiting for the reply.

Soon I heard the familiar tweet from the iPhone. 

“Well E (my friend’s name) is in coma after climbing Mount Everest so Spiderman is using his phone for the time being.”

“Ok. So can Spiderman tell me that young man’s age?” I replied.

“Old enough to legally marry you. So do you want this?”

“I’m married thank u. Can u pls give me the golden no cos I’m rushing the story now and waiting for this? Tks.”

“Well there is something called polygamy.”

It dawned on me that I was dealing with someone who obviously thought that he was very funny.

I called the number that I SMSed to and was curtly rejected on the second ring.

I didn’t reply the SMS anymore. After a while, he called. He had the nerve to return the rejected call, yes. 

To do what?

To reaffirm that he isn’t E but Spiderman!

This could have been a usual case of sending a text message to a wrong number, where the recipient would politely reply saying “I think you’ve sent to the wrong person” and the sender would follow up with a sincere apology.

Instead, Spiderman decided to send a barrage of nonsensical messages. Even when he knew that I was waiting for a critical piece of information for work, he stubbornly refused to admit his identity and continued I supposed what he thought was flirting.

So, was he flirting? Yes if the recipient, in this case, yours truly, had found it engaging and entertaining. Alas, my reality was far from his fantasy.

I was annoyed, and rightly so. Firstly, I was not in the mood to flirt, having an article to rush. Secondly, he wasn’t funny, really. Thirdly, he could have shown a bit of sensitivity from the tone of my messages that I was enquiring about work and not play. Lastly, he didn’t sound at all apologetic that he had wasted at least 10 minutes of my precious time (and money) on those unhelpful SMSes and at the end, he still had the cheek to reaffirm he was Superman and yes, he wasn’t the intended person.

I’m really glad that he is probably one of the few Singapore men who are clueless about flirting and still are thick-skinned enough to continue stepping on the toes of the opposite gender. 

Where is my shining knight in armour?  

Give Me That Handsome Suit!

Ditch those bulges and fatty underarms. So long as you’re willing to forsake your identity, you can become the most desirable dude in this planet. All you need to do is step into a handsome suit and viola! you become more delicious than Brad Pitt and George Clooney combined.

Yearning for some real relaxation, I did the unusual and succumbed to the tempting ‘brainless, pure entertainment’ movie genre when I sauntered happily to watch the Japanese film Handsome Suit.

I had expected at most an hour-and-a-half of brainless comedy, but I was sorely disappointed. Running for 115 minutes, the film has its laughing moments. But it is far from a brainless and purely entertaining production. It actually seeks to delve deeper into the human mind and find out what is more important – looks, or character.

Takuro (Muga Tsukaji) is the ugly protagonist who, after donning a specially made handsome suit, morphs into a striking Annin Hikariyama (Shosuke Tanihara) – the famous model.

Takuro falls in love at first sight with the soft-spoken and beautiful Hiroko (Keiko Kitagawa), who also has a hidden dual identity as the cute-cute plumpish Motoe (Miyuki Oshima) with a heart of gold and charm that matches perfectly with her generous laughter and warm smile she carries wherever she goes.

After having a taste of a king-like treatment by others when he’s the gorgeous-looking Annin, Takuro finds himself wavering in his stance to continue to be who he is – the ugly yet kind-hearted chef who only wants to serve heart-warming dishes the way his mother had cooked it.

Hence the question of morality kicks in – do we sacrifice the real character that makes who we are special for the perfect superficial appearance that makes others fall in love with how we look?

I remember when I was running my dating agency, we come across this question many times too. While we advocate presenting a good and attractive image to others, especially on the first few meetings with someone new, we also stress on the importance of personality and character matching.

There was even a female member who went all the way to “uglify” herself so that the guy whom she was meeting would get to know her and not be misled by how pretty she looked.

Well, I wouldn’t encourage such behaviour, but I always tell singles going on dates to “just be themselves”. The most tiring thing a person can do is to put on a mask and be someone whom they’re not, and never will be. 

I guess the debate on brains or brawns will not end, handsome suit or not. Even before the birth of cosmetics, women are already using natural ingredients to make them look more appealing in their quest for a good husband.

That only goes to show that while character prevails, good looks still have its advantages. 

Well, at least the handsome suit is really, by any measure, cute and adorable! Before it assumes the human form, that is. 

Obstacles – What Do They Mean?

I’ve been in a bit of confusion lately, since the start of the year. Recurring thoughts that disturbed me in the middle of one night made me realise the intensity of the issue. I had brushed them aside – labelling them as distractions – or engaged myself in loads of positive self-talk to get myself out of the nagging situation.

Until that night when the same old thoughts were racing in my head and threatening to give me another sleepless night, then I realised that was the tip of the iceberg. 

Making a big time decision is never easy, especially when it involves major changes and the chosen road ahead looks to be long and full of unknowns. The uncertainty can be crippling yet at the same time exciting.

Then after many rounds of deliberation, discussing with family and friends and getting all the advices you need (or don’t need), you make up your mind.

But it is usually as this point when you thought you have made up your mind, or when you’re about to say “OK, this is it. This is what I’m going to do” that one obstacle will appear. It may come in the form of a temptation for you to stay where you are or continuing what you’re doing; or it may appear as a bigger shroud of uncertainty and fear that wraps you up in anxiety and makes you want to rethink your decision.

When this happens, does it mean that you’re not going forward with your decision or does it mean that it’s only a test to see how much of the new thing in life you wanted and to what extent would you go for it?

Let me give you an example. A person in a sales job may be contemplating to resign for some time and follow his passion to be a social worker. Yet each time he is resolved to throw in the letter, a new tender would come up and he would tell himself “Ok, let me deal with this first”. Maybe he has been handling small deals all along, and when he’s about to tell his boss “I quit”, there comes along a potential deal that is worth few times more than all the deals he had done for the past 6 months. 

He’s thrown into a dilemma. Does he stay on his job, handle that big tender and add a few thousand bucks to his savings while remaining unhappy, or does he proceed with his resignation? What is the purpose of that tender?

We wouldn’t know, because we’re not God. But what we can do is to really look into ourselves and ask: What is it that I can offer?

Someone told me that obstacles are a test of how much you wanted something. I agree. At the same time, obstacles are also there to reveal the inner voice that we have been suppressing all along.

Maybe it’s time to unleash that giant within us, as what Anthony Robbins likes to say.

A Wake Up Call

Singaporeans sure had a very rude wake up call – to think that eating contaminated food could lead to death was appalling. What would have been diarrhoea and a day of bed confinement led to two deaths and one miscarriage instead.

From the news reports, one could gather that the public sentiments toward the hawker were more of understanding than reprimanding. However, what was more inexcusable was the fact that rats had been invading that territory, right under the noses of National Environment Agency (NEA).

Why do we always have to wait to be given a tight slap? When we look around, it’s not hard to find that this attitude of complacency has taken its root in almost every individual.

Couples don’t divorce overnight. People don’t get a heart attack by bingeing on fat the day before. Students don’t fail their final examination because they skipped one lesson.

It is the lacklustre attitude over a certain period that culminates in a situation that makes people sorry.

The question is: What happened to those signs and symptoms that were screaming for attention? Why are they sidelined? Why aren’t they accorded the due attention when they surface? 

If only everyone could be on their toes, then things usually wouldn’t turn out that bad. That said, we all know that it’s easier said than done.

Society pressure has given us more reasons to go easy when things are well. We are constantly on the look out to achieve more than we already have. In the process of doing so, we begin to overlook many things around us and start to take them for granted. Hygiene is a good example.

Well, hopefully, this serves as not just a good lesson, but one that really hits everyone so hard that we’ll all remember it and apply the due diligence every day for the rest of our lives.

Then again, the effect of this case will still vary from person to person. Because while it may hit some at the spot where it hurts the most, for the others, it’s just a scratch on the skin. Slightly itchy, yes. Painful, maybe still some way to go. 

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

If You Can’t Tell A Mouse From A Rat…

The next time when you see a rodent and you instantly assume it’s a mouse, you should start to smell a rat.

If you’re confused, A Tale of Despereaux will sort it out for you. No two mice, er, ways about it! 

Despereaux (Matthew Broderick) the mouse is really, really cute. So cute that you have to find it cute - not ugly but adorable but cute and adorable - regardless of your race, language or religion.

I got so impressed by this little hero’s “chivalry, bravery and honour” that I had to pepper in some nuggets of patriotism as a hint of my nationalistic sentiment. (You mean you haven’t realised I cited a phrase from our national pledge?!)

The tale begins with the rat, a gourmet lover.

“Every place has something special and in Dor, it’s ‘the soup’,” says Roscuro (Dustin Hoffman) the rat, quoting what the seaman Pietro told him earlier.

As fate has it, this feverish love for the soup in the Kingdom of Dor literally scares its Queen to death. Totally grief-stricken, the King outlaws anything related to soup, and rats, in his empire.

Towards the middle of the film my interest started waning. Even so, there is no doubt that some powerful lessons can be drawn from this movie, ratty or not regardless.

The reason that turns Despereaux into an outcast in his own Mouseworld is the exact same one that I find admirable. He has a unique identity. He dares.

His courage to not conform to society’s rules – to cower, to be fearful, and to kowtow to authority – climaxes when he actually tells Princess Pea (Emma Watson), “I’m a gentleman”. By what? “By a code of honour,” he replies in a gentlemanly manner, complete with a bow.

A mouse that sees himself as a gentleman speaks so much more than a human who sees himself like a mouse.

Roscuro’s succumbing to hatred also mirrors the way men give in to their streak of weakness. Actions thus born out of that momentary foolishness eventually lead to guilt and regret. This struggle of vengeance versus forgiveness reaches a blissful outcome when Roscuro changes his heart, again, and joins Despereaux in saving the princess at the eleventh hour.

Then, there’s this glimmer of hope that is nicely sprinkled in various parts of the movie.

For example, the princess’ hopes to regain what were lost – soup, sun and rain – are cast side by side with a pig farm girl’s hope to be, well, a princess. 

In fact, every girl is a princess, at least in her father’s eyes.

Miggery Sow (Tracey Ullman), the jailer Gregory’s daughter’s quest to be a princess reveals one more side of the human nature – pursuit of fame and materialism; yet, when it comes to what really matters, love still conquers all.

Movie wise, the images, sound effects and the animation are laudable and add a bit more punch to the otherwise slow-moving storyline.

This is truly an animation for children. The messages which wrap around positive values like courage, self-esteem, love, honour and morals are spelt out clearly and explicitly by a narrator and the wholesome dialogues.

And if you can’t get enough of Despereaux, read the book. In the words of the many who have read it: the book is simply fantastic and the author DeCamillo has done a superb job.

I have more than an inkling that might well be very true.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Take a chance with love

“I take that as a hopeful sign,” Harvey says as Kate rejects an incoming call on her mobile. “If only you can give me a wider smile…” he continues teasing her. 

Kate (Emma Thompson) breaks out into a wider smile.

That is a scene where the despondent Harvey Shine (Dustin Hoffman) meets Kate Walker, who is finding solace in her own company and a book, for the second time in a bar at the airport in the film Last Chance Harvey. 

Harvey tries to spin off a conversation between them while Kate seems only interested in finishing her novel and not to have anything to do with this stranger. But as the minutes ticked, Harvey’s attempts slowly paid off: All because of one simple technique, since Shakespeare’s days, and still an effective way to make friends and build relationships – flirting with words.

Not only did he used his words cleverly to melt away any hostility that Kate feels, Harvey also manages to shift her mood into a more relaxed state, as opposed to the grim look she wore before he came.

Yes, I was hooked on to the dialogue in this movie.

The dialogue helps immensely in the smooth gradations of the feelings from slight dislike to comfort to eventually the kind of deep longing for someone between the two lead characters.

For example, how Harvey surprises Kate by saying, “You mean instead of me walking you to class, carry your books?” when she’s expecting him to go on his way at the subway station. 

In another instance, Kate, learning that Harvey’s estranged daughter’s wedding reception – for which he was there in London—is still on, eggs Harvey to go. “You have to go, she’s your daughter!”

“You come with me?”

“I can’t go to a wedding reception in green polyester?”

“You trying to get me to buy you a new dress, is that it?”

“No, no, no!”

Joel Hopkins expertly directs the movie in a way that it shows the intricacies of the feelings and emotions of two middle-aged people—a man and woman—feeling lonely and hopeless in their own lives and how this encounter may really be their last chance at happiness.

But, when one is so used to being in the shadow and to deem oneself as a failure in life, how does one get out of the rut? 

Kate touches me when she says to Harvey, in between tears, “I’ve been so used to getting disappointed, and I’m angry at you for taking this away from me.”

I’ve seen this many times, of people who are afraid of receiving love and happiness in their lives, who don’t believe that they too deserve to be happy like everyone else.

Fortunately, Kate did take a leap of faith.

“Shall we walk?” she asks.

Harvey nods her head, and both of them continue their long stroll under the twilight.

I like this movie, really! 

P.S. The actual dialogue in the movie may differ slightly from what is produced here, as they are mostly from what I remembered, and some came from the trailer clips.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Is Slumdog Millionaire an inspiring story?

“You can’t sleep in the cinema,” I told my sister yesterday, “it’s (the movie) too loud.” Few seconds later, I added: “And noisy.”

And that’s how I feel about Slumdog Millionaire. It’s really loud and noisy. The only time when there’re some nuggets of silence is on the set of the TV game show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, when Jamal Malik (Dev Patel) pauses and decides if the answer he has chosen is going to be his final one.

I believe most people would have seen this movie, or if not, would have read about it and know the synopsis of the story. So, I’ll talk about other things instead.

In my opinion, Slumdog Millionaire is, besides being a “noisy” film, a colourful show. Colours of India’s culture, the faith of the people and their lifestyle are displayed prominently in the movie. One has to give credit to the use of such loud graphics and music to bring us the intensity of the poverty and the kind of lives those people lead in the slums.

While there are things I understand right away, there are some that escaped my comprehension.

For example, I don’t understand why there is a need for the adult characters to suddenly switch to conversing in English when they were chatting wildly and animatedly in their mother tongue, Hindi, when they were children. Yes, English is one of the two official languages in India (according to Wikipedia), no doubt. But, is their usage a “common thing” or is it more for the non-Hindi speaking international audience? If it is due to the latter, I feel the movie loses that bit of realism; which is a pity, because this movie thrives on being a film that shows us the facets of life in the slums based on reality.

Before watching this, I’ve heard of how inspiring this movie is for the man on the street. It represents hope; if a man who grew up in the slums can become a millionaire overnight, then, probably, so can they.

However, after I stepped out of the cinema, my mind began to question the authenticity of this claim. Is Jamal’s character truly inspiring? Maybe it would be if he had worked or studied very hard in order to get that insane amount of money, when many more highly-educated people before him had failed.

Yet, it turns out that he has the answers because of one thing that probably all the educated people lack—a life experience wrought with twists and turns, drama and betrayal and a tale about friendships, relationships and kinship.

So, is this purely a work of luck plus unlucky life events combined with tragic life experiences? Or is this a brilliant example of one young man’s perseverance to hold on to his values and beliefs in the midst of surviving in the harsh realism of the world, and his fight for the love of his life?

As I seek the answer to this dilemma, I have to ask yet another question: What is an inspiring movie?

Does it have to portray a journey of overcoming difficult challenges and difficulties before achieving the goal? Can it be simply a narrative of hope and triumph, plus some luck?

Until now, I still don’t have the answer, because I feel that both can be the answer. If the movie can arouse a feeling or thought in others which in turn moves them to do certain things to achieve their dream or goal, then I think Slumdog Millionaire is an inspiring story.

Lastly, I ask myself this question too: Why am I dwelling on all these issues, when I’m only watching a movie?

Then it hit me. I had somehow forgotten that this is, after all, still a movie. It is not based on a real-life story, and even if it is, it would have been tweaked a bit to add the effect of drama for commercial sake. As much as it aims to show reality, as the film has so successfully achieved, it is eventually fiction.

All these thoughts are based on what I still remember after watching this show more than a week ago. This points to one fact – that these are the elements that have left a deep impression in my mind and my heart. That’s why I’m writing this review only now, 10 days after seeing it. Though this comes relatively late, I hope it still serves as some food for thought for you.

What are your comments on this movie? 

Monday, March 09, 2009

Cowboys, Meadows and Those Bells and Whistles Part 2

Where have all the cowboys gone?

That was the last statement in Part 1 of this post.

Why did I ask this question? Because, instead of those macho cowboys and their whips, I saw the green meadows, blue skies with fluffy white clouds floating in it.

I turned around to face a bundle of sunflowers brimming with joy!

I must be in a fairy land… because even the elves were here to help the cobbler with his clogs.

You know, to have spent 5 minutes of my time in such a wonderland was some form of relaxation for me. I’m not kidding.

Guys may not find all these extras a big deal. After all, a toilet is merely a place for people to offload unwanted “materials” from their bodies. They minimise their time inside and they just couldn’t wait to finish their own business (without minding others’) and leave.

But to the girls (of course I wouldn’t want to generalise the entire female population), going to the washroom is an event itself. We go together in groups, we treat it as the next better place to have good quality “water cooler chats” and I even saw some girls taking photos together, almost always in front of the full-length mirror. 

So, to those great minds behind the concepts of these water closets, I thank you for the wonderful relief (pun intended) you have given me! 

Btw, in case you were wondering where I had been to, I was at Great World City.