Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Upbeat Silver Generation

I was alarmed this afternoon when I saw the American Idol style of singing competition being brought right to the very heart of Singaporeans. And I’m not referring to Project Superstar, or Campus Superstar. What made this competition stand out and astonished me so was the participants.

One of them had parts of his hair coloured blue while many others had hair and outfits that shone! Okay, all the sequins and glitters they wore made them dazzle, but what really caught my eye wasn’t all these bling-blings. It was the attitude.

I don’t know who or how old the youngest contestant is, but I do know they’re all in their silver generation. Yes, I’m talking about a talent competition for the senior citizens of Singapore. Sweet, isn’t it?

And if I didn’t go to my grandmother’s house for lunch, I wouldn’t have had this chance to come across such a revelation.

The contestants frowned to the heart-wrenching lyrics, sashayed to the beat of the melody, and crooned the oldies with all their heart. The judges are mostly foreign to me, except for two of them. And when one of the judges actually sang impromptu, I caught myself in the nick of time to prevent falling over the sofa. I wasn’t prepared for such excellent singing. I mean, it had been soooo long since I’ve heard anyone sing like that!

They even have fan clubs! Mind you, don’t even start thinking a group of senior citizens sitting in the studio comfortably whose only way of cheering is tapping one hand against the other to create a sound that resembles clapping. They were fully armed – banners, words of encouragement and even cheering songs – you name it, they have it. Add some wolf whistling and they’re more than ready to challenge those Campus Superstar wannabes!

The energy these contestants displayed was indeed contagious. They are there not for fun, but for a very serious business – pursuing their dream. Isn’t that so amazing? I think the silver generation is just going to get hotter and hotter.

Are you ready for this? 

Friday, February 27, 2009

Cowboys, Meadows and Those Bells and Whistles Part 1

Cowboys, Meadows and Those Bells and Whistles Part 1

When nature calls, we try to answer them as fast as we can while we pray that nothing or no one would come in our way. Naturally, that means when we step into a public toilet, we dash into the nearest cubicle that is available, barring certain unsightly/smelly conditions that make it unusable, without letting go of the chance to steal a few glimpses of how we look at the mirror.  Oh, how vain we are, even in the midst of an urgent operation!

During one of my usual such “operations”, I was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. Behold! Look at this!

I stopped in my tracks and held my breath, mostly due to my being surprised and not due to any weird smells, as I looked on with my eyes wide open at this cowboy town that I was about to enter.

With cowboys like these to protect me, I know I’m safe from the cleaning aunty’s unexpected and unannounced barging in, even if I remain in the toilet for half an hour.

Oh, some were even fighting to see which hero would be protecting the damsel in bladder-stress!

But first, I needed to make up my mind which one is the door to the “treasure cove”.

Since all the gold nuggets were being laid out in the open in the treasure cove, who could blame me for conveniently tucking some into my bag, right? But, I soon realised that I wasn’t about to escape scot-free as I was about to leave the town.

I became a “Wanted” person! Look!

Gosh! If only I had known better… maybe I would have taken more gold nuggets, since I would be caught anyway!

That was one adventure, though unforeseen but pretty fulfilling I would say.

I put this incident behind my mind, thinking I would probably not come across anything like this for the next decade or so, considering the last time I stepped into this mall was like, what, 5 years ago? See, it was so long I can’t even remember!

Then, as fate would have it, within one month, I appeared at the same place again. This time, when I answered nature’s call, no cowboys were in sight to greet me.

Where have all the cowboys gone? 

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Gift of Writing

The Gift of Writing

I didn’t used to think that I could have the gift of writing, until I met a guy recently. Talking to him was like transcending from reality to a fantasy world, a place where dreams come true and challenges shrink into specks of dust.

I felt good after that meeting.

Now, I may not be totally convinced that I have this gift of writing, but I certainly feel that the passion inside me is very much alive and burning. To me, when someone has a gift for something, it means that without any prior training or experience, that person can accomplish a task that might be almost impossible for another.

Do I fit this bill? At times I think I do, while other times I tend to suspect my ability. These other times are the times when my mind can be in a complete blank and I’m absolutely lost for ideas and inspirations. Without ideas, how do we have thoughts? Without thoughts, how do we feel? Without the emotions, how then do we craft sentences, which is, to write?

Then I told myself that ideas can be plucked from the sky. Indeed, who says we can’t! Though they might not be usable right away, but with some amount of polishing and honing, these ideas that sound outrageous at the beginning may eventually turn out to be a piece of brilliant literature.

So with this thought and belief, I begin to feel that what my friend said might be true after all.  Because I believe in the unrealistic means I believe that I can write something out of almost nothing. Now, this is something worth celebrating!

At the same time, I too recognise that there is ample room for me to improve, and I know I can’t afford to remain stagnant if writing is really the direction that I’m going towards.

We exchanged our virgin piece of published work with each other, and in his book for me he wrote that he found a “kindred soul” in me; while I wrote that I was glad to meet someone who has such a huge passion in writing.

Indeed, it’s good to meet a passionate writer. 

What is your passion in life? Mind sharing here with all of us?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Valentine’s Day: before and after marriage

I have not finished eating all my love letters, pineapple tarts, kuehs and other Chinese New Year goodies. But I’m already running into posters in the malls screaming Valentine’s Day dinner specials.

Valentine’s Day is coming. Now, what?

I checked my husband’s schedule and realised he has scheduled a workshop that day. After that he flies to Malaysia for another work-filled Sunday morning. Are we celebrating this day after all?

“Aiyah! I thought at first we can celebrate at night after my workshop. The Sunday class wasn’t scheduled initially,” he explained when I asked why he would be planning for a class on Valentine’s Day itself.

When the Sunday class became a reality, he didn’t reject that. After all, it’s work, and that is important, right? Who cares about celebrating old Valentine who is nothing but crass commercialism?

But really, I’d have liked to spend time with him on that day.

Valentine used to be a day of special meaning now is now just “one of the days” when we give ourselves a good excuse to indulge. Was it marriage that changed me, or was I just getting immune to the lovey-doveys and romance, albeit with a hefty price tag?

When I was single, I remembered the girls in the office would wait expectantly to see if they received any flowers come February 14. In Hong Kong where I once worked, I was told there was an unspoken competition to see which girl’s desk has the most number of bouquets. This was an indication of the girl’s popularity and of course, looks.

I didn’t have flowers on my desk, but gave myself the excuse that I was a new-comer and few people knew me. Give me another year, and my desk would be overflowing with roses!

In my single days and very much available, I didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day regularly. There would be Valentines when I was stuck at home with nothing to do, and there would be other years when I was swamped with gifts and invitations. Being swamped wasn’t good, either, as I felt stressed out, having to decide who to reject and who to go out with. But frankly, the feeling of having the special attention made up for the stress. It was a nice and warm feeling and a memory to cherish.

Then I got to know Stuart. Our first Valentine’s Day was also a last-mi9nute affair; yes, he was having class again on that day. But I got a gift from him!

As I looked on the participants in the class, I couldn’t help but wonder whether all of them were single and date-less? Or they just don’t fuss about this day and were more than glad to exchange the celebration for 8 hours of learning and self-improvement. 

When we got married, Stuart did some research and booked a restaurant at Siglap for our first Valentine’s Day. And we named each other the “World’s Most Wonderful Valentine”! Here’re the certificates to prove it:

And that’s it! Nothing fanciful, and no big surprises in store, but I was still happy to have spent that few hours with him over a candlelit dinner.

Now, into our 2nd year of marriage, my thoughts on this Valentine were even more prosaic than before. Not because I’m no longer into romance and passion, but I’ve learnt to appreciate the occasions when we have breakfast together, watching a DVD movie at home and just having some silly conversations while strolling home. And those didn’t come only once a year. They come randomly, and I’m grateful for each and every one of these moments.

So, when I knew he would be working this Saturday, I didn’t kick a big fuss, nor did I sulk. I merely said: “Okay.”

In the end, we decided to have our celebration on Friday, the eve of Valentine’s Day. Everything’s all right with the world—I’m happy! 

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Flex Your Mussels Before Eating Them!

Yeah, flex them. Make them delicious and yummy.

Having been to Brussels Sprouts for three times and not once disappointed, I now have to talk about this restaurant known for their famed, what else, but mussels!

The mussels all come in a pot, like this.

Vin Blanc mussels

Fries or bread are served as a side dish. Fries come as a free-flow dish while bread is not refilled. I love the bread! It is toasted very nicely with the outer crust crispy while the inner bread is pretty soft, just the perfect thing to dip into the sauce of the mussels. The texture of the bread is rather unique too, with more “holes” than the normal bread that we’re used to eating. This means it soaks up the sauce more and you can literally suck the gravy from the bread. Yummy!

My sister’s favourite is none other than the one you’ve seen above. While mine is this:

Cream based with mushroom

Well, I wouldn’t say it’s my favourite of all, but I much prefer this to the white wine. You can choose to have all mussels or clams or a combination of both.  We chose mussels, of course!

The Vin Blanc mussels carries the right amount of wine for you to be able to taste it without it being too much that it spoils the taste of the dish.  There are two types of soup that you can choose from – clear or cream based, which also includes the tomato-base soup.

I like the cream mushroom, cream ham and leek ones. Tomato one was pretty mouth-watering too actually. They are creamy and yet not that thick until you feel sick of it after a few mouths. And the sauce went very well with the fries and the bread. The mussels are cooked till the right time so that they just opened and very fresh.

If you’re fretting over what wine to go with, we’ve tasted both red and wine and they’re all good! Though my personal preference still tend to incline more towards white wine, as I find it blends better with the food.

What’s so good about these mussels is they fill your stomach without being too filling. It doesn’t make you feel you’re so bloated with heavy food, but rather, this nice, warm feeling in your stomach that you’ve had enough for the night.

The alfresco dining style that overlooks the river and those beautiful residences is also perfect for anyone who wants to bring a date along. The fans littered around will make sure that you can ensure your mussels and your wine without have to sweat over sweating under the humidity!

If you prefer a more cooling environment, choose to dine indoors then.

As for service, well, there were those few times when we thought they could have given a better level of service. But other times, and most of it, they’re very friendly and all smiles. And certainly accommodating, if I may add.

So, if you’re craving for some really good mussels, do not consider anymore. Brussels Sprouts located at Robertson Quay should be a place where you’ll love going to. You can visit their website for more information: www.brusselssprouts.com.sg

Until now, this is by far the place that serves the best mussels in Singapore that I’ve known and been to. 

Even The Brides Are Fighting!

Gosh, violence has all but taken over this planet. Now, even for the supposedly happiest and most beautiful occasion in our lives (at least so for girls!) has failed to duck the attacks and ambushes in the likes of secretive sabotages and outright competition to see who is the best bride of the day.

With full knowledge of every wimp and fancy, likes and dislikes, secret histories and dreamy futures of each other, Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway) make use of every singe ounce of secrets they knew since childhood days to their own advantage when a turn of events caused the unthinkable to happen – their wedding fall on the same date, same place and same time.

It should have been a happy occasion still, in Chinese we like to say it is “double happiness” except for a little problem – both of them have sworn to be each other’s maid-of-honour. Now they can’t, not when they are brides at the same time!

This Catch-22 situation may be a catastrophe for others, but it should see a harmonious and peaceful resolution between two childhood friends who have been through thick and thin, good and bad and who are probably closer than real sisters are.

What I like about this movie is not just about the hilarious sabotaging acts that Liv and Emma do to each other. They are just there for entertaining purposes. The underlying elements that are brought out through those acts serve more meaning to me. Like the kind of chemistry they have. How only they probably know the deepest, darkest secret of the other.

The wedding preparation is another part of the movie that caught my attention a lot. Liv’s fiancé, Daniel’s (Steve Howey) acceptance and love for her is nicely contrasted with Emma’s husband-to-be, Fletcher’s (Chris Patt) denial of the Emma that she is now. He cannot find himself supporting this girl who now knows how to assert herself and stamp her foot on something she truly wants badly. He cannot find himself accepting this used to be the girl who is always being pushed over and who avoids the limelight.

At one point when both of them are embroiled in an argument when he complains about her as she talks about how she is the Best Bride of the Night (probably the nth time!) in her and Liv’s bachelorette party and he clams up and refuses to talk anymore, in my mind, there’s this little voice that says “If I were Emma, I would cancel the wedding.”

Why? How can I when the wedding is only 1 week away? Because I see the signs! I see how this is going to be the start of a wrong union, when two people get together because they have been with no one else for the past 10 years. And during this time, things change, circumstances change, and more importantly, people change.

Catch the movie Bride Wars for some funny tickling moments and some nice doses of touching friendships and the true meaning of “bonds” in relationships. The acting of Kate and Anne is precise and good, and even though the plot has a rather predictable ending, and an almost cliché one, I’ll still recommend anyone who’s considering to head for the cinemas during the CNY holidays to give this a go.

Now, just thinking about that particular scene brings tears to my eyes.

P.S Now, the final bit that I find is heart-warming is when Emma’s father goes to Liv and gives her his blessings, as what he says “blessings from my generation”. Now, don’t we all crave for and love to have blessings from our parents and our elders? That is such a touching moment for me. 

Story telling

Do you have any good stories to tell? Are you a good story teller? Can you make your audience cry and laugh at the precise moment you want them to?

If you can, then you may be a born public speaker. Because, the real good ones are those who excel at telling stories!

What if you lack those exciting and dramatic life experiences that others have? Does that mean that you can’t be a story teller anymore? Those who have been through a similar situation will know the answer – of course you still can be a good story teller. You just have to “borrow” other people’s story and tell it with all your passion

But, not everyone can do it, can they? Not everyone can put themselves into that unique role where he’s able to crawl onto the skin of the real character in the story and feel what he feels, think what he thinks and says what he says, the way he says it!

In view of this, how then can he tell it like his own? How can he make his audience believe him wholeheartedly?

I’ve discovered that some people can make the characters in their stories come to life. They add animations, they give full play to the facial expressions, and at times, other parts of their bodies come to life as well. They vary their tones and pitches to bring out the feelings and emotions of the characters. They’re just like theatre actors!

Now that the secret’s out, some people may find that “hey, this sounds easy”. Well indeed so. It can be a piece of cake for some, while a hell of a nightmare for others.  But good news is, it can be learnt.

Yes, anyone can learn to be a good story-teller. However, not everyone has the passion and drive to be a good story-teller. So, maybe before you tread down this path, ask yourself if this is what you really want to do. Can you see yourself still prancing around on stage telling stories in 10 years time? How about in 20 years time?

As a speaker, I know to be completely at ease with yourself, with your audience and to be totally immersed in the stories that you’re telling is a matter of hard work. So, the next time when you hear a fantastic speech, or a very touching story being told, remember to give that person a loud and passionate applause. Thank him/her for adding that bit of light and colour in your world, if he/she really did that. 

Monday, January 12, 2009

Little Nyonya, Big Waves

“What’s the time now?” my sis asked as we shuffled our way past the crowds dashing out from MRT station.

“10 minutes to 9,” replied Stuart.

“Hurry up, The Little Nyonya is starting soon!” she said. Now, coming from someone who isn’t as “TV addict” as me, this was rather surprising.

“Aiya, don’t worry, we’ll sure make it,” I assured her. “Eh, actually, don’t you think that a very good drama and good food will bring a family together?” I asked them. “I mean, you see, when you know there’s delicious food waiting for you, you’ll want to go home faster right? Same as a good drama, people are actually rushing home to watch TV. Gosh, look how we are dying to go back now!”

We all agreed, but none of us could afford to slow down our pace to further discuss this issue, because The Little Nyonya (小娘惹) was starting in less than 10 minutes!

Now that this drama made its grand finale last night, I believe many of the more 1.6 million viewers in Singapore (not counting those who are following this serial in Malaysia too!) are suffering from a withdrawal symptom. I don’t know about them, but I wouldn’t be chasing after the new drama Reunion Dinner. So, come 9pm, there isn’t anything to look forward to, for me.

Well, now that we’ve just sent away 2008 and ushered in a new year, many people would be contemplating their new year resolutions while reflecting what they’ve done or failed to do in 2008 (or are they?). And here I am, writing about a TV drama?

It’s a fact that TV is very much a part of the lives of the billions of people living in a modern society. As much as many personal development gurus frown on this box (which has been shedding more and more weight until it has become a slim and flat piece of gadget now), it still holds the ultimate capability in getting a person, or even a family, completely hooked as they all enter into the hypnotic state that TV induces.

So, when mega dramas like The Little Nyonya made its appearance after more than a decade, it’s hard not to be part of this big hooha about this TV serial. I must applaud the whole production team (back and front stage) for this marvellous effort. I’m really proud that this is a local production, and we’re able to produce dramas that are not just well-received locally, but are getting all the attention and accolades across oceans. It brings people and families closer together as they huddle together to watch it and talk about it. It is a hot topic, and the good thing about it is it is a common one, perhaps more common than the FI. (agree?)

As I’m blogging now, my eyes looked down at the clock display at the bottom right-hand corner of my monitor. It reads “9:06pm”. This day last week, I would have been sitting on my sofa watching how the plot unfolds to showcase the destinies of the ill-fated women. In fact, my anticipation would grow as early as one hour before the show! Now that it has ended its run, the feeling of loss is indeed present, and very real.

Is this a danger? Not if you’re able to tell yourself that that is a fictitious world, while we’re living in a world that is ever present, ever real. And that only makes me want to run to my loved ones and tell them I love them. Because the more the people suffer in there, the more it tells me I should cherish what I have and be thankful for the people and things around me.

But I know that not many people can actually differentiate the real and the fictitious world. They allow themselves to be so absorbed into the plot that they began to hate the actors and actresses playing the nasty characters. Maybe they know that it is only a drama, but still, they allow themselves to be completely lost in that world. Now, this is dangerous. Because unless they can withdraw themselves and return to reality, their moods are going to be controlled by an environment that is absolutely fake, and out of their own control.

My sister was complaining to me that they shouldn’t have written such a plot with so many twists and turns and bad things happening to everyone in the drama. “Why can’t they just shoot it more like a documentary to let us know how is the Peranakan culture like? Why do they have to make it into such a big sob story?” she questioned that day while we were in a cab on our way home.

“Because if it were a documentary, it wouldn’t have gotten such a high viewership. That’s what dramas are for – to dramatise! We still got to learn about the culture anyway,” I explained. “Like why the husband’s family has to send nasi lemak back to the wife’s family on the 12th day of marriage to signify the chastity of the woman, like their delicacies, their beaded shoes, their costumes.

“If it were a documentary, it can at best be only a few episodes, with each one airing for about 30 minutes. Nobody will have the patience to watch this if it’s a documentary without all the drama! Learning about the culture is a by-product, you know?” Finally, I got her with my reasoning. (she’s been harping on this for several times!)

Oh I simply love the sarong kebaya (have always loved this traditional costume in fact)! And I have to give Jeanette loads of credit for carrying it off so beautifully. She looks elegant and graceful in all the traditional nyonya outfits she wears in the drama.

So, are dramas good, or bad? I don’t know the answer. All I know is, they’re probably here to stay for a long, long time.

And I know I’ll be making the most out of it.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Dare you to try Level 8 Buffalo Wings

"Level 5 please,” I told the waitress.

She opened her eyes to twice their size, paused two seconds, and said: “That’s very spicy. Are you sure you want Level 5?”

Now all of us looked at one another, and the sky-high confidence just a minute earlier when we made up our minds to go for the mid-level wings evaporated that instant when we were challenged.

“Erh, is it really thaaat spicy?” I asked.

“Have you eaten Level 1 to 3 before?”

We all shook our heads. “This is our first time here.”

“Hmm, then maybe it’s better to take Level 1 or 2. Most people take that level,” she suggested out of kindness.

Again, several glances passed between the four of us, and the last look on my and Stuart’s face told me that no, we were going to take Level 3, at the very least. So, we settled our order and waited to see if my taste buds would be murdered that night.

What was all that bargaining and fearing all about? These were the culprits…

A half-dozen Buffalo Wings!

Starting from Level 0 with absolutely no spice, anyone who dares to eats up to an entire plate of Level 10 wings gets his or her name listed on the Hall of Fame. No kidding.

As we were waiting for our wings, we heard someone shouting, “Table XX, Level 8.” The waiter sauntered over to the counter and took the Level 8 wings. Level 8! We sat up and simultaneously turned our heads to stare at the waiter.

We had to know who ordered Level 8 wings! We saw the waiter walking to a table occupied by Caucasians, and our jaws almost dropped to the floor. How can that be? Caucasians? The hottest stuff they could handle was probably Maggi Chilli Sauce.

As it turned out, it really wasn’t them. After serving the food, the waiter strolled over and put the plate of Level 8 wings onto the table just right next to us. I knew it was rude to stare while people were eating (being taught by my mum to have basic table manners), so I could only stole furtive glances to check them out. Apparently the guys who ate Level 8 wings didn’t even show a glint of sweat on their brows.

We have other dishes as well, which, in my opinion, paled in comparison with the Buffalo Wings. But the ambience of the place made up for the less than fantastic food. It was nice to sit and chill out while our bodies got heated with the wings! There was a constant breeze and we were feeling comfortably cool by the time we were ready to leave. The breeze is like a zephyr from some romantic clime, giving me the urge to want to fall in love over again.

Guys, get out of the city pressure cooker and head for Sunset Grill at Seletar Airbase, if you drive. Don’t ask me for directions because I doubt I’ll be able to go there again without a guide. The laidback atmosphere makes it easy for you to relax and enjoy the food and the company you are with.

Sunset Grill Pub is in the clubhouse of the Republic of Singapore Flying Club.

How it used to look like, once upon a time. Click here to see the photo on the club’s official site. You could still see some planes there.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Bliss of a simpler life

I just came back from Muar, a small town in Johore, about an hour’s drive up the Causeway. 

I’ve been to Muar frequently as it’s my mum’s hometown, but on this particular trip, I felt different, because of a wedding.

My cousin got married on December 27. I didn’t have a chance to speak to her earlier, but her sister told me the bride felt she was the happiest woman on Earth.

Isn’t it nice to be wrapped inside this bubble of bliss on your wedding day? Personally, I know several newly-weds, and though they felt excited and thrilled on their big day, not all were in Cloud 9.

During my cousin’s wedding, my sister and I began to snoop around to see if there were men of excellent husband material. The groom was one. It has been said that he doted on my cousin. The sparkling, ordely condition of his house speaks of his high standards of cleanliness.

Another cousin-in-law, a school vice-principal, was another one. Dutifully taking care of his children so that his wife could finally have some rest on that day, he was a man of good manners and good temper.

Talking to a few more people made me realise that good men, who are, in a sense, worthwhile husband material, seemed to be plentiful in tiny Muar! And why so? Could it be the slow and relaxed pace of life there? Could it be that things were actually much simpler?

Women turn to their husbands as the man in the house while husbands dote on their wives as men should. They are happy to raise a family and they look forward to family reunions.

I am wondering: Does one feel happy when things are simpler? Does happiness elude those who are always wanting more? Is happiness equal to contentment, being satisfied with what one already has?

I think, happiness is the state of mind where we find peace in our hearts. And peace is there when we are grateful to what we already have and who we are with.

Stripping of every other thing, when the man or woman in our lives loves us with all their heart and put our interest above theirs, then we will have so experience pure bliss in our marriages, even in Singapore where life is hectic and challenging.

At times, it’s truly essential to just go back to the basics.

This is me and my cousin who is bathed in “xingfu"ness

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Be passionate, stack your cards high

Life 101 in making a success of your passion

What’s your hobby? Collecting stamps (so passé I know!)? Playing Red Alert 3 on your computer? Watching Little Nonya and other mind-numbing soap operas? Text-messaging friends?

How about card stacking?

I saw this guy on TV several months back. He was in Hong Kong creating a replica of the Beijing Athlete Village (before the Beijing Olympics of August 2008). The materials he had weren’t Lego-style mini bricks, just playing cards.

He finished this project in 160 hours constructing the National Stadium, the National Aquatics Centre and the Beijing CCTV Tower – all landmarks of the Beijing Olympics.

AFP Photo

Have you stacked cards before? I have, when I was young. I would spend hours just to finish one whole pack of cards and beamed proudly at my creation. At that time, I merely stacked them to form a pyramid.

As this guy Bryan Berg stacked his cards before a worldwide TV audience, I watched in awe. What struck me wasn’t the fact that he was so skillful and creative with the humble cards, but the burning passion shining through his eyes.

He had turned a hobby into something very big. Did he believe that he could do it at first? I don’t know, but I’m sure he must have faced obstacles along the way. Did all his friends and family support or pooh-pooh his idea of turning this hobby into a career? Again, I don’t know, although from the many instances of how geniuses were pressed down, I suspect he too might not have many people cheering for him in the beginning.

The point here is that this modern age does hold many opportunities. No longer are we constrained by boundaries and society’s do’s and don’ts. As long as you have a creative idea, there will be a place and a time for you to showcase it. It boils down to whether you believe in yourself, and whether you have the guts to take the first step and the perseverance to see it through.

It’s about having your passion to fuel you to create something extraordinary out of something ordinary. Or at times, out of nothing.

Do we all know how to create things? Sure we do. It’s a skill that we learn by seeing others doing it, but many times we don’t believe that we could do the same thing, or even better.

There are many examples of people building a career from their hobbies. So, even if it is a hobby is meant to be no more than a way to pass time, when you have the passion for it, anything can be possible. 

Be creative, and dare to create!

By the way, for more amazing works by Bryan Berg, check out www.cardstacker.com

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

What price Love?

A few days ago while watching a TV drama, I suddenly got an inspiration from a scene of three people in a conflict situation situation. B hates A and wants to destroy him. C loves A and wants to protect him, using her life if possible.

I sat there wondering: Who will win? Will love triumph or will hate and hostility conquer all? In my opinion, love should win because the more one loves, the more one receives. On the other hand, the stronger one hates, the more “disrupted” becomes the mind and heart.

I talk about values in my relationship talks and seminars, and while nobody has ever quoted “hatred” as a value, love has been much talked about as one of the highest motivation factor that drives people toward their goals.

But there are many who want to escape from pain, the fear of failure and rejection, and the shame of being despised. These factors can become a very powerful force that propels them.

Love is the direct opposite. It gives pleasure, and it is like the carrot being dangled in front while concurrently being the fuel generating the power from behind. It gives someone the strength to persevere in times of hardship because there is a strong reason and purpose to.

I understand and I’ve witnessed how compelling our dominant values can have on us, be an escape from pain or a groping towards pleasure. However, I can’t help but be more inclined towards love as the ultimate winning solution. Why?

Have you ever hated someone in your life? Maybe not to such an extent, but enough to make you feel so angry that you cannot forgive and forget. How do you experience this anger? Like a heavy force on your chest, making it hard to breathe?

As long as you harbour anger, you will not be able to laugh as freely as you wished to, you can’t taste the real goodness of any delicacy served to you, and you can’t feel the peace in your heart. Your mind is full of darkness and gloom instead of brightness and hope. 

Even when you’ve reached your goal and proved that you are right, do you feel happy? Are you able to taste the sweetness of your victory? Or do you still feel this heaviness in your heart?

Chances are, you may tell yourself that you are happy, but really, are you?

On the other hand, if you are doing what you’re doing now for love, you’ll realise that every obstacle that you face, you know you’ll have the resources to overcome them. And when you do, you know the purpose for doing that, and when you reach your destination, your heart is not only filled with pride, it’s also filled with love, joy and very importantly, peace.

Peace. How important this is…

In that scene, person B won. But, eventually, he lost. Well, who’s the winner? Yes, the one with love in her, because she lets A realise how to face the demons in him while helping B to release the emotional baggage he has carried in his life for so long.

That’s the power of love, because it’ll always end up in a win-win solution.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Oh! That Dress!

I’m now at Jakarta as I’m typing this post. We say that learning takes place everywhere and at any time. A recent incident is testament to this.

I was at a shop selling batik clothes with an Indonesian friend. We were supposed to pick up some batik shirts for the official opening of Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group in Indonesia. I haven’t worn a batik attire in my life, so since I was there, I couldn’t resist the temptation to look around for anything suitable. In my mind, I knew very well it would be an absolutely slim chance for me to find one that would fit me, but I browsed anyway.

Looking at my size, the shop assistant took the initiative to bring out the items that had sizes of XXS. Yes, you read that correctly. It is double X.

I saw a dress which I really liked that was on display at the shop’s entrance and I was exhilarated when it was one of the items she took out! Without time to lose, I went into the fitting room and put it on expectantly.

Alas, it was still too big for me. Maybe it was the mirror, or it was my heart brainwashing my brain, for I didn’t see the real picture at all. I’d love to blame the mirror – they must have put a “slimming mirror” there to make everyone look picture perfect in their batik! Which, in my opinion, were really fabulous.

To cut the story short, I bought the dress, thinking that it would be an impressive piece to wear for CNY. When I put it on again back at the hotel, Stuart looked at it and said: “This is way too big for you.”

“Ya I know, but the shop offers free alteration,” I said.

“But, I don’t know if they can alter so much,” he said.

Actually by now, I knew it was too big. Not wanting to admit my mistake, I attempted to defend my decision by giving lots of other “but”, “but”, “but”. Until the last “but”, I turned to him, pouted my lips and bawled: “Arrhhh, I’m soooo stuuuppiidd. I shouldn’t have bought the dress…. Oh, my heart is so painful now. I can’t sleep tonight!!!”

Now, “I can’t sleep tonight” must be a strong trigger for Stuart, because that could mean many things, like going on and on about my wrong purchase the whole night. Afraid that he would be in that situation, he quickly made me feel better. “It’s OK, I’m sure they can alter to fit you very nicely. Never mind la, don’t think about it so much OK? Just bring it back to the shop.”

No matter what he said then was useless. Because I had to admit I had made an impulsive purchase, and it wasn’t a $10 item, it cost me $118!

I whined for the next 10 minutes or so, as I went through my mind what are the possible solutions I could think come up with. Could I bring it for a refund? No, that wouldn’t be nice as my friend knew the place pretty well and this, I feel, would negatively affect her great client reputation.

Could I sell it away to someone? Maybe, but who can I sell it to? Or do I just bring it for alteration (it’s free anyway) and hope that the finished product would fit me snugly and fittingly? Guess this looked like the best choice.

Still, I berated myself for buying the dress. Why? Because I had given in to my own whims to get a batik dress no matter what! I had forsaken my good sense of logic and succumbed to my emotions.

Eventually, I got this issue resolved when my friend kindly suggested that she would give me the refund and she could get something else from the shop, since she often goes to that boutique to get batik clothes for personal as well as company purposes. She’s an angel!

Now I’m really grateful that I manage to get my money back and return a dress that doesn’t fit me. But I know I won’t get lucky each time I get myself into a mess like this.

Have you bought stuff that you don’t really need just because you feel like it? After you’ve done that, do you reflect on what you’ve done or do you just shrug it off and say “it happens, there’s no way I can avoid it”?

Have you let your emotions rule over your logic only to regret it later? Do you find more reasons to justify for that moment of weakness or do you lock this lesson into your brain as a reminder to assess the situation clearly enough before you make a decision?

For me, I’m going to lock it in…. 

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Four Christmases

“You can’t spell families without lies,” says Brad (Vince Vaughn). Where did that come from? His dad. Now I see why he develops such values on family.

“There’s nothing wrong with taking a vacation on a vacation,” says Kate (Reese Witherspoon), and in order to do that, they need to lie to their families.

Guess what?

That’s what they did, for the past 3 Christmases. They both lied to reject their families’ invitation to celebrate this important day in the year and went holidaying themselves, in the name of doing charitable work in third-world countries like inoculating children against diseases at Burma. The point is: neither of them feels guilty for doing so. After all, their philosophy is you can’t spell families without lies, right?

Honesty triumphs ultimately. But what best way to get busted then to be on national TV? I remember how funny Brad’s poker face is when he’s caught on TV. Not once, but actually, twice. You know why that happens? Because until one has learnt his/her lesson, the same or similar incident will continue to happen in his/her life. Apparently, they haven’t learnt the virtue of being honest with their families!

OK, I like this movie.

Not because it makes me laugh in certain parts, but because it makes me think as the plot progresses to something deeper than those weird events unfolding as Brad and Kate end up visiting his father, her mother, his mother and her father on one day.

The way in which relationships have been played out truly intrigues me. What we can see on the surface usually doesn’t tell what we feel deep within us, until and unless it gets triggered by an event. As Brad and Kate learn about each other’s deepest darkest childhood secret, they didn’t realise that they are already embarking on a journey that is about to bring them to another level in their relationship. While Kate realises that early and is actually touched about that fact, Brad chickens out and wants things to remain unchanged.

Don’t we see couples like this so many times in real life? When two people get together, it’s usually because they have both agreed on certain conditions on how their relationships should be. But, circumstances change. So when one party decides to change the rules, they can’t blame their partners for refusing to stick with them and move ahead to a territory which they have initially agreed never to step into.

Do they get disappointed? Certainly. Do they get their hearts broken? Absolutely. But can they force their partners to be with them? Definitely no. It takes two to tango in a relationship, and that’s why connection is so important.

Connection not just with your spouse, but also with your parents and siblings and their children.  How do we get keep this connection going on, and how do we enhance the connection with each other? The only way is through constant and never-ending communication. The question then comes: What do we communicate? Haven’t we seen many cases of trouble brewing because couples thought they were communicating when in actual fact, they are critising and putting each other down then conveying their concerns and expressing their love and appreciation?

When Kate and Brad think they are the most gelled couple, the game Taboo just lays their serious lack of understanding of each other on the table, completely bare. 

There are many life lessons that one can derive from this movie. For this reason alone, I say this is a show not to be missed.

Plus, Vaughan and Witherspoon’s onscreen chemistry gives the added worth to your dollar as they not only celebrate the most number of Christmases on one day, they also celebrated the longest day in their life together. 

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Life Skills

As a NS man, you certainly need to know how to survive during times of war. Let me ask you then: in times of peace, how good are you at surviving? Do you merely scrap through, or do you score big time and achieve all the goals you set out for yourself?

Like it or not, know it or not, we all need to be equipped with certain life skills so that we’ll not only survive in the real world, we’ll be happy and successful. Of course, success is defined according to your own expectations and standards. And you know I’m not referring to those “live chicken-killing” skills. I was really appalled when my friends told me how they were taught to kill chickens by swinging them by their necks until they breathed their last. Gosh! Those were hair-standing moments.

So, what are life skills? I don’t think we can draw a boundary to what is considered as a life skill to what is not. Of course, there will be some that are absolutely essential to one’s survival like decision-making, while there are those that are very good to have but not critical, like

I found this list from the Unicef website, and I thought it sums up most of the life skills that I’m planning to talk about.

Communication and Interpersonal Skills

Interpersonal communication skills
Verbal/Nonverbal communication
Active listening
Expressing feelings; giving feedback (without blaming) and receiving feedback

Negotiation/refusal skills
Negotiation and conflict management
Assertiveness skills
Refusal skills

Empathy
Ability to listen and understand another’s needs and circumstances and express that understanding

Cooperation and Teamwork
Expressing respect for others’ contributions and different styles
Assessing one’s own abilities and contributing to the group

Advocacy Skills
Influencing skills & persuasion
Networking and motivation skills

Decision-Making and Critical Thinking Skills

Decision making / problem solving skills
Information gathering skills
Evaluating future consequences of present actions for self and others
Determining alternative solutions to problems
Analysis skills regarding the influence of values and attitudes of self and others on motivation

Critical thinking skills
Analyzing peer and media influences
Analyzing attitudes, values, social norms and beliefs and factors affecting these
Identifying relevant information and information sources

Coping and Self-Management Skills

Skills for increasing internal locus of control
Self esteem/confidence building skills
Self awareness skills including awareness of rights, influences, values, attitudes, rights, strengths and weaknesses
Goal setting skills
Self evaluation / Self assessment / Self-monitoring skills

Skills for managing feelings
Anger management
Dealing with grief and anxiety
Coping skills for dealing with loss, abuse, trauma

Skills for managing stress
Time management
Positive thinking
Relaxation techniques

I know for a fact that some people grossly lack in the department of Communication and Interpersonal Skills while scoring aces for the Decision-making and Critical Thinking Skills. In the relationship course that we teach, we term them as EQ versus IQ.

To have a high EQ is extremely important, yet until now, people are putting it on the backburner. I have observed that parents are still rushing to plan their children’s schedules so that their time is maximised to boost their IQ. Sadly, relatively speaking, not much attention is paid to developing their emotional skills, like the ability to communicate effectively or to be able to empathise. 

In my opinion, there is so much more to do to develop a child’s EQ than what has been done already.

More on life skills coming up in later posts…

Watch out for this space.