Friday, May 02, 2008

What Movie Shall We Watch, Honey?

Fists. Fights. Blood. Gore. Ewww… I am cringing with my face crumbling into all sorts of funny shapes as I’m typing the first four words of this post. But I’m sure if my hubby were to be doing what I’m doing now, he’d probably be experiencing some adrenaline high which I’ll never be able to fathom for as long as I live.

To set the records straight, my hubby isn’t something who will resort to violence when things turn nasty or when he is under the steam. He just likes to watch movies that contain lots of action, and this inevitably comes with some fists, fights, blood and yes, gore. (I’m cringing again…)

Of course, not all action movies and thrillers or psycho films have all those four elements in. For example, he managed to successful lure me to the cinema to watch movies like The Fantastic Four, Spiderman 3, Batman Forever etc. Now, he is eyeing the Iron Man which, honestly speaking, I’m not that gaga over.

I can already imagine a seemingly formidable man who got to be so formidable because of his super formidable outfit which, as the name implies, should be made of top-rate iron or steel. There has to be some evils in the show for him to fight and win over, and until we have the winner (which usually means the justice will triumph or we will have sequels to ensure this principle is not violated), lots of action (aka fighting and injuries) will be dominating the screen. Oh, unless the big bad man is the iron man himself. Still, scores of action to be expected till justice triumphs!

By then, the tone of my movie description should be blatant enough for anyone to make a clever deduction on my enthusiasm to go watch the Iron Man. I know, I am prejudiced. And very much so! Though I’m not proud of it, but there’s really nothing I can do about it. It’s in me, and I believe, in many women too.

But hope is always there! I will still go to watch this movie with my hubby because of other motivating factors. Like the pop corn, the hot dog, and most of all, the company of my beloved man. You see, watching a movie with that special someone holds more meaning than the actual activity itself, though any man who hears this will begin to say women love to complicate things which are simple, and over-simplify things that can be complicated.

In this instance, I am more than willing to catch the show that Stuart would love watching because I want to. I want to be there with him when he is relaxing. I want to be there with him when he is enjoying himself. Similarly, I want to be there with and for him when he is under stress or when he is feeling sad. In a nutshell, I want to be there with him and for him in any occasion, even if it means going for a movie that I will not particularly enjoy if I were to watch, say, Over Her Dead Body. Ouch, doesn’t it sound, erh, violent too?

Oh, talk about romance comedy! Now I’m getting more excited because I dare say this is one of the most favourite, if not the favourite, movie genres for most women, if not all. Not only do they bring out the good sides in people, we also swear by the positive effects such movie brings onto our relationships quite immediately.

The kind of connection we feel with our partners just by sitting there holding hands and sharing a cheese nacho or popcorn and immersing ourselves in the laughs and kisses onscreen is hard to describe. Although nothing really too physical has taken place between us, but looking at the intimacy of the male and female lead is enough to make us feel as if something has indeed, taken place between us. We leave the cinema walking with some air below our soles and tight clasps around our partners’ waists or hands. We feel that we know our partners better, and the emotional bond is there.

So guys, don’t you find this effect amazing? And all without you having to do anything except the companionship! Of course, the occasional and timely pats on your girlfriend or wife’s head will create more wonders too.

Hence, when it comes to the question “Which movie shall we watch, honey?”, I hope you will find the loving answer.

Happy movie watching my friends! 

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Hurray To The Opposition Parties?

Have you ever raised an objection or voice your concern over certain issues that are happening in your life and to which is bringing you lots of dissatisfaction, and maybe even frustration? I’d like you to ponder over this question for a while.

When you are opposing the authorities, what is your main intention? What do you hope to achieve? Authorities here refer to anyone or any organisation that has a greater say in a particular issue than you do, like your parents, bosses, community leaders and the government.

To maintain a balanced view and to gain wider perspectives on things, we need differing views and opposing opinions. But such voices should also be kept in check so that the privilege is not being misused.

Growing up with a rebellious streak in our blood seems to be a norm during our teenage years. We want to be different, whether it is to gain attention or seek recognition. Therefore, we do all sorts of things, many times rather stupid ones, just to make a statement.

I am not against such ideas in the quest for variety and uniqueness. I am concerned if they are not done because of an individual’s thirst for innovation, but for the sake of wanting to oppose.

Imagine how chaotic a society, an organisation, a community or even a family would be if everyone oppose for the sake of opposing and not for a better resolution of a said issue and concern.

Similarly in politics, just because one is in the opposition party doesn’t mean one should attack the ruling government in any window of opportunity and do their best to pull them down. Shouldn’t the opposition parties act as good sounding boards and an excellent listening ear for the public, whom the government could have chosen to turn a deaf ear to their woes and grouses?

I hold on to this belief that unity is strength. In the grand scheme of things, some varied opinions are fine, but not if they affect the overall vision and impedes the progress for a nation.

On the same note, in the family, if everyone fights for the mere sake of wanting to fight, then it perhaps the same efforts can be put to better use.

Back to the question I posed in the beginning. Could you honestly tell yourself that in each and every case when you are fighting to have your voice heard and sentiments accepted by the others, is there really a genuine case of wanting to change things for the better? Or are you fighting only because it seems to be the “right” thing, or “in” thing to do?

Stand up for a good cause and it doesn’t matter if it isn’t being understood and accepted by others as yet, if you genuinely know that your intention and motive can only bring about a better future. Otherwise, maybe it’s good to just go with the flow rather than risk having a blind leading the blind by shouting aimlessly and without any purpose. 

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Serendipity

Serendipity. This is one word that I love a lot. Not only does it carry a beautiful sound when pronounced, it also looks pretty when spelt.

Now I’m not going into the English history on where, why and how this word came about. Rather, I’d like to talk about a movie that is named after this word.

This isn’t a new blockbuster coming out in the cinemas. It was screened in 2001, and 7 years later, my hubby and me were watching it at home, on our couch, for the first time.

This movie, starring John Cusack from Must Love Dogs and Kate Beckinsale from Pearl Harbour, plays on fate and destiny that almost went terribly wrong. Sara (Beckinsale) and Jonathan (Cusack) met magically one evening before Christmas, the season when people tend to want to fall in love without knowing why.

The unexpected and romantic encounter would count as fate’s doing, in my opinion. But not for Sara, who believed in destiny so much that she started to sow some seeds to see if they will grow and ripen to produce fruits of love. A twist of events pulled them away, as much as they would have wished otherwise.

Years later, though separately engaged and about to marry their own partners, Sara and Jonathan couldn’t give up thinking about what would happen if fate had continued to play cupid for them for the third consecutive time that same night. So they set about to put destiny to the test once again, but this time round, more efforts had to be put in through active searching and a bit of investigating on the part of Jonathan.

Will they get to meet up again? How would that feel if they do? Are they going to continue where they left, or will their minds be made up to go on with the wedding that has been planned? This set the agenda for the lead charcters in Serendipity.

Sounds romantic? I guess so. Now here comes the crunch. How do I feel about this?

What is fate, really? To me, the fact that both of them were to combine forces to get that only pair of gloves that looked like ever to be produced in the entire Universe on one evening is magical enough. And that is fate.

Whether two people can end up together is another thing. And whether they can have a lasting and loving relationship is yet another thing. It depends not on fate, but on work. On effort. On human’s action. Cupid’s arrow can only bring two people to come face to face with each other and ignite some sparks between them. But Cupid is not going to make sure the arrow will stay or for that matter, won’t go rusty from the lack of or no maintenance.

That Sara wants to put fate to the ultimate test is to me, a pure waste of time and pushing her luck too far. At the end, Jonathan had to expend so much effort to track her down based on one single receipt, not to mention having to deal with an ultra irritable sales guy. They hurt two other people who would probably wouldn’t come into their paths had Sara not started the game. So isn’t this human’s effort?

If that one night of meeting had stirred up such an avalanche of emotions that could propel them to risk giving up their engagement many years down the road, then doesn’t it already signify the importance of such a connection? Then again, they probably wouldn’t have foreseen this to be so. They have underestimated the power of love at first sight.

To conclude, as a love and relationship coach, I believe in making things happen. Chance encounters, whether they are romantic or magical or merely plain, are there to allow us to have a beginning somewhere, somehow. That is serendipity. How and whether that seed will grow to a budding plant depends on nothing but the characters involved. Action is needed.

If you meet this girl you fancy, then do not wait for destiny to bring her to your door. Go and get to know her. Start from being a friend if you want to take things slow. No matter what, a failed action is always better than a no-action. At least you get some feedback that can determine what your next course of action can be.

And in comparison, Definitely, Maybe is definitely a much better choice. Thank goodness you still are in time to catch it now! Catch my review of Definitely, Maybe in the NS Portal. (At the time of posting I can’t find the review in the site, so maybe you guys could read about it when it’s uploaded.)

Monday, April 07, 2008

What It Means To Live

Do you eat to live, or live to eat?

I’m beaming proudly to announce that I’m the latter. I LIVE TO EAT! HURRAY!

This declaration, though bold and proud, holds many dangers in itself. For one, I lead an almost sedentary lifestyle with practically no exercise at all. Many a times I swore to take up yoga and swimming, which all turned to naught in the end. But, my love for food persisted. Strangely though, I thought.

I remembered the time when I was dieting, really dieting. With the advice and guidance of a nutritionist, I dutifully jotted down every item that I ate, even a very small piece of biscuit. I memorised almost all the calories of each food that was on a list given to me. I counted all the amount of fat I took in on a daily basis and ensured that I do not exceed the 40g limit.

I reduced the portion I ate every meal, and I almost eradicated the habit of snacking, except to replace them with fruits and low fat biscuits. I rejected the scores of invitation, seduction and finally temptation of supper from my family. Mind you, the fare wasn’t easy to say no to as they consisted of most of my favourites.

My rigorous diet lasted for a pretty long time, in my opinion. I achieved my ideal weight, but I didn’t stop there. I continued the healthy diet to maintain my shape.

I probably would have been totally conscious of what I eat if not for an incident that took place while I was working in Hong Kong. That place is a food haven. You know it. So to maintain my weight is an uphill task over there. I didn’t quite make it, but I did just fine.

Each time I craved for one of the tea-time snacks, I would refrain and chose something healthier instead. But when it came time for me to leave this food haven and come back to my homeland, I decided I shall go ahead and eat this particular item – one inch toasted bread with peanut butter and carnation milk.

Before I could lay my hands on it, I freaked out. No no, don’t misunderstand me. The bread wasn’t the culprit, but those dots were. Out of the blue, I developed rashes. Very bad ones. Those little red dots very soon claimed my whole body as their territory and created havoc for me as I spent more efforts to resist scratching than I ever did the temptation to eat.

It was very much later after I came back to Singapore then I knew the cause of the outbreak. But at that time, I frantically searched for an antidote that could relieve my trauma. I was referred to a famous Chinese physician who was known to have treated cancer patients. So, mine should be an easy case.

Not so apparently. I was put on an even stricter diet where I could only eat vegetables and vegetables. Oh, rice was allowed. Anything that remotely contained an iota of protein was out according to his diagnosis. Nothing stir-fried. Only steam or boil. Gosh, if only I knew I’d be in for this I’ll eat whatever that comes to me before this ordeal.

That’s what I learnt during that episode. And that’s why I’m cutting myself more slack now when it comes to eating. Still conscious of what I eat and the fact that I’m not exercising, I do indulge in my favourite food every now and then. I’ve learnt that moderation and not abstinence is the key.

If I were to keep thinking there will be “a better time” or “the next time”, I would have let that moment pass by. It could be just a window of opportunity, and it could also be the last chance that I could ever get.

Living in the moment became part of me since then. At the same time, like I said about moderation, we need to balance out indulgence and delayed gratification for our future. This is my new meaning of “to live”. 

Friday, April 04, 2008

If Your Girlfriend Was Jolin Tsai

She catapulted from being the princess of sweetie-pie club to the queen of mandopop in the last few years. Her image revamped completely, and so has her figure, miraculously.

(photo courtesy of AsiaFinest.com)

Jolin Tsai looks picture perfect. She exudes sexy charm and confidence on screen. She sizzles with her dance moves. She looks glamorous, and that is no accident.

The amount of discipline she has and the hard work she puts in will put any woman to shame. At least she puts me to shame, especially when I am downing a cheese prata dipped in deliciously sinful curry after midnight before I head off to bed feeling extremely satisfied. The guilt sometimes hit me, but honestly, though very rarely.

Alright, let’s do an autopsy on what goes on behind the scenes that gained her the title of glamour queen in Taiwan. I’ll zoom into two areas specifically.

First, her diet. Oh, that not-for-ordinary-human-beings diet that she had self-imposed. Her fervour in making sure that not a single drip of oil will seep into her body system meant no food that is considered as heavenly for normal humans will show up on her plate. Yes, she eats boiled vegetables, a few mouthfuls of rice and more boiled vegetables.

Meat is ok sometimes, boiled. Snacks, low fat or no fat ones are allowed in between meal times. Oh, did I mention a quota that she can eat per day? She counts every bit of food that goes into her mouth, and if her limit is hit that day, no amount of cajoling or coercing will make her swallow anything more.

If you look at what she eats, your immense appetite from a growling stomach will automatically cease to exist, according to what her crew members said in a variety show when Jolin was being interviewed.

How long can a person hang on to such a strict diet that even the nutritionist finds it too harsh? A month maybe. At most a year.

Guess what? This lass had it for the last ten years, and she isn’t planning to stop. Not if gaining a milimetre of fat on her body is going to cost her the reigning status in the highly competitive pop scene she is enjoying currently.

If you had gone on a weight-losing regime before, or knew anyone who did, then you probably would know the inner turmoil one had to go through each time a danger cropped up. Like to sleep in during raining days and to skip that daily jog or swim. To say no, against your conscious and urge, to nasi lemak and eat fish slice bee hoon soup instead.

I experienced that first hand when I was on a serious project to shed off some excess kilos many years back. So I know, it is really a chore, and tonnes and tonnes of discipline.

That is why I have to raise my hat to Jolin, as much as I “disapprove” such strong rejections to cuisine that makes my knees go weak. 

Next, let’s look at the second factor for her boom.

Her dancing. Not wanting to waste any single waking moments, Jolin would be stretching her muscles while waiting for her turn to play on the mahjong table. She underwent rigorous training and practising just to wow audiences on stage. A bit of slack would be putting her reputation of the Dancing Diva at stake. No, that is too costly and dangerous. She wouldn’t allow that to happen.

Her devotion to her career can be seen glaringly. The steely character displayed is evidenced in her focus on bringing her status to the next height, and tackling a bigger challenge in her dancing prowess.

One can question if she is over-doing it? Is there a need to submit oneself to such a no-room-for-manoeuveur diet?

I can only deduce that her want to be the best and to prove to her critics that she can do it is so strong that she will do whatever it takes to get it. That is why she is so successful today.

Now I’d like to ask you – is there anything in life that you really want it badly? So bad that you will do whatever it takes to get it? With the exception of causing a third party hurt with your actions, of course.

What if your girlfriend was Jolin Tsai? What would you have learnt from her and how would you be able to influence her in your way?

Monday, March 24, 2008

Thumbs Up! Singapore Civil Defence Force!

This is an account of my first-hand experience. My grandmother had a pretty nasty fall last week, and we phoned for the ambulance. One came within 5 minutes. Speed of response check – excellent!

My grandmother, being quite a stubborn character to deal with, had refused to go to the hospital to receive treatment. She insisted that it’s alright and, in her own words “… never mind, it’s ok. It’s not serious la”. I accredited this to the fact that she hadn’t seen herself in the mirror and hence wasn’t aware of how badly bruised and swollen her left eye was. Her bleeding forehead wasn’t convincing either to any of us that she should remain home and let nature takes its course.

Then, those guys arrived. My sister related my grandma’s reluctance to one of them, who in a very confident and calm manner told her not to fret over this and just let him in to speak to the old lady.

Swiftly, they managed to persuade her to follow them to the hospital. How did they do it? My hubby nailed it down to the “traumatic management” they used to handle my grandma, who was probably in shock after that bad fall. Knowledge and handling of a casualty check – great!

I asked to follow the ambulance so that my grandma would feel more assured knowing that I was around. I was “ushered” to the front seat, where one of them told me “this is the safest place to sit”. Reluctantly I obliged. Well, I would have preferred to sit with my grandma next to the stretcher she was lying in, but I knew that the guys knew better, so I conceded without any fight.

Indeed, she was in good hands as I kept looking back to check on her. The Chinese guy kept asking her questions to ensure she remained conscious, and they bandaged her arm at the same time. Casualty care check – assuring.

Singapore is famed for our multi-racial culture. I saw how this worked seamlessly. Among the crew who came to our assistance were a mix of Malays and Chinese. But, one would have thought that neither the colour of the skin nor the language spoken matter one bit. It was indeed a team effort, and they showed immense consideration for the family members too. Team effort and empathy check – outstanding.

My sister and I would love to sing more praises for this amazing team. Thank you, SCDF! With such a first-rate defence force to take care of our nation, what more can us as the citizens ask for? Nothing much more I guess, except to show our great appreciation.

Lastly, efficiency and effectiveness of the SCDF check – very commendable.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

When She Asks You If She’s Fat

Stuart (my hubby) and I walked past a boutique and a belt caught our eye. We went in and I took the belt to put it on. Then, this was what happened:

K: “Wha, this belt looks big. Does it come in sizes?” I half asked Stuart half spoke to myself.

Stuart gave me the how-would-I-know look. I searched through the rack and found that there were no sizes available. So I casually took one out and said:

K: “I don’t think I can wear this. It looks too big”
Two seconds later,

K: “OMG! I can wear this! I’m fat!”

Stuart gave me the I-can’t-believe-you look.

I’m sure if you’re a guy and reading this, you will find consolation to know you’re not the only man in this world who has been trapped in such a scenario before.

That was a knee jerk response I had. I knew that I’m not fat. Well, I do suffer from the drink-water-and-my-tummy-bulges syndrome. But I’m far from those three dreaded letters. I know.

Yet I still fall into the same trap that many women do. Or rather, we all fell into the trap of almost creating an ambush for our men to unwittingly fall into before they were executed by us instantaneously.

You know, this is really a very sensitive and complicated issue. Why? Because at times, we do know that certain parts of our bodies (usually not the areas that we want to be well-endowed in) will become slightly larger than normal. And when we ask our men the question “Honey, do I look fat?” we ourselves have very mixed feelings too.

On one hand, we really love to hear the truth from you. On another hand, the truth hurts. Ouch! And we just wish that while we can count on our closest mate to be honest with us, we still look for that glimmer of hope that perhaps, it is only our own expectation of slimness that hasn’t been met, but that you will find us looking great nonetheless, even with that bulge.

So, what is the conclusion? How do you handle your girlfriend or wife when she pops the horrifying question “Honey, do I look fat?”? Firstly, you should count your blessings that she asked you this, because you it would be so much easier to say “Of course not honey, you look perfect in that outfit!” as compared to the case of she asking you an even fearful question: “Honey, am I fat?”.

How are you supposed to answer her? If she does look fat to you, you will be doing her a great disservice by not letting her know the truth. But being brutally honest can be fatally stressful for you too.

If she doesn’t look fat, then naturally your problem is no longer a problem to begin with.

If you are really getting a headache over this, maybe saying this will help you get out of the rut relatively easy and safe. Just say this: “Well, you are well-endowed, and in my eyes, you are just perfect to me.”

That’s it!

“Is it that simple?” – You might be wondering now. Yes indeed, because all a woman wants is to hear from her man that he finds her looking good. She wants to look pretty for him, and his opinion matters more than anyone else in this world. For this, what she is looking to hear is not necessarily the truth (she can see that herself in the mirror!), but whether he finds her physically attractive or not.

The next time your girl throws you this time bomb, be sure to locate the right fuse so that you could detonate it before you get exploded into pieces. All she wants is some attention from you, and some very nice, sweet words to accompany along.

Just assure her, and you will be very assured. 

Saturday, February 23, 2008

The New Singapore Era

I thought National Day had came, prematurely.

As I came home weary eyed due to a long flight from Mauritius (that’s where I spent the previous week honeymooning), huge photos with lots of cheery faces on the newspapers greeted me.

Massive crowds had gathered, all decked in red with our familiar flags brightly painted on their faces. So, if not National Day Parade, why else the uniformity?

Because Singapore won the bid to host the Youth Olympics in 2010! Woo Hoo! What an extremely wonderful piece of news to all of us!

Imagine the smallest country in terms of land mass beating the largest one of all. Imagine the amount of pride we all have. Imagine the type of grand promise that we all sought to achieve to make this event the greatest one of all that not only the athletes will love it, but they will love this island and our people so much that they want to come again.

Just imagining it is enough to make us all excited. I jumped for joy, and with joy. We had made one more step towards making Singapore a “household” name in the arena of world sports. What started off as an almost impossible mission ended with an impressive record on our list of national achievements. And this, my dear friends, is only the beginning…

Imagine once more the endless possibilities of having this dream come true…

Has a new Singapore era arrived? Well, at least it has begun to dawn.

Not letting our small size hide our big ambitions and ideals, we continue striding on to reach greater heights, and to break more records that we set.

This is not just about hosting a game. This is about being recognized. This is about showing to the world what we have to offer. No natural resources. No beautiful nature scenic views. Certainly no breath-taking seas and awesome shorelines. 

This is about the passion that Singapore always has in all the goals we set out to achieve. When we want to do something, we always put in more than 100%. That’s the Singapore spirit.

PASSION. Live your life with passion and you will begin to see the difference.

Since when have I become such a patriotic person? Well, from what I remember, it probably started from the outbreak of SARS I guess…

So for now, it’s time to give all the hot-blooded people in the bidding team a pat on their shoulders and give them a hearty congratulation. “Well done guys! You’ve done all of us proud!”
And from now, we’ll stay with great expectation and anticipation on what better things will happen in 2010. Don’t forget, the whole world is watching too.

More fanfare awaits… I’m so eager.   

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Do You Spend, Save or Spare?

“What! $17 for 4 bowls of noodles! That’s extremely expensive!” I complained during one of our late night supper session. I was buying the meal as I just won $22 in a gambling session (refer to post: “A Time Of Gambling?”).

“Aiya, it’s ok la. It’s CNY, and they still have to open stall to sell noodles. Let them earn a bit more never mind la,” my mum and sister echoed each other. On normal days, the meal would have saved me $4, but they had raised the price by $1 each since it was the 3rd day of CNY. Strictly speaking was the 4th day since it was past midnight.

“Ya, that’s right. Ok la,” I was satisfied with paying that extra $4 now. In fact, shouldn’t we be grateful to them for opening their stalls, otherwise we might have to go hungry to bed.

You see, to me spending money is about seeking value. If I pay for something, I deem the purchase as worthy or not based on the value I received. The value can be a real one (for example, gold) versus perceived (a piece of clothing). It can be tangible versus intangible (a foot massage).

For things that I don’t find any great value in, I choose to spare. For things that I see value in but not a necessity, I save. For things that I find great value to have, I spend.

Fair enough?

That’s probably one of the many thousand people out there too. But there are also those on the extremes who will spend regardless of the value, and those who will spare even if it means ripping other people off their own value they deserved.

What’s the difference between saving and sparing then? Can you tell a saver and a stingy man apart? If you can’t, then chances are you probably are either a spender or a miser. Because to a spender, not spending means being stingy. For a miser, spending any amount is tantamount to squandering.

But is that the case? To me, so long as you don’t amass your fortune at the expense of shaving off others, I’m fine. It is good to save. It’s a virtue! Hey, weren’t we taught to save since young? We were strongly encouraged to open a POSB account with the savings bear diligently going to every primary school to build rapport with each child so that we will dish out $2 to begin our habit of saving 10cents daily.

Saving to me is also one way that we can protect the environment. It’s not just about saving money; it’s also about conserving electricity, water and the trees!

But to constantly think of ways to get others to pay for your share, being calculating with every cent is not a wise move. It may add a few cents, or dollars, or hundreds of dollars due to accumulation (the miser’s mindset!) to your pocket, at the same time, it may also dent a few holes in your relationship with others. Not that I’m advocating using money to build relationship, but that I’m saying being overly calculating will certainly cost you some friendships.

Which one has more value to you, then?

The money itself, or the relationship?

To me, money is a means to my goal. It is never the end.

So, if it means remunerating them for their precious time they could have instead spend sleeping or with their family during such an important festive occasion, what is $1 extra per bowl that I have to pay to keep our stomachs warm and nice? 

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

You Are What You Do, Or Don’t Do

I know we should do things that are urgent and critical. They take priorities. However, I am very prone to this bad habit, yes it is a bad one, that I will handle stuff that irks me before I move on to the really important ones.

Take for example reading emails. I know there are some more important ones that I should handle. But I will first go to the ”Junk Mail” folder, have a very quick browse to make sure no mails that shouldn’t be there got there, before I delete them away. Only then can I have the peace to go and read other mails and reply them.

This sounds ok I know, but imagine when you are really running out of time, and all you have is probably 2 minutes to check your mail, reply them and you need to get off the connection, which will you do first? By common sense, we will reply the critical ones, won’t we?

But, my bad habit will come in my way and I will go and check the Junk Mail! How important can junk mail be? I know the answer, yet I can’t resist the urge to go and clear it away. Usually, in the midst of doing that, I will suddenly remember that I only have that much time, and I need to attend to the essential missions first.

Only then will I pull myself away and look at my priorities. This is just an example of how I will screw myself up with time management, and it’s not the only area.

And if you are thinking why I commit such mistakes when I already knew too well not to, keep guessing. For until the previous minute, your guess was as good as mine. That is, I didn’t know too.

But, something just struck me as I’m writing this post which could possibly explain the reason.

You must have heard of this “Save the best for last”. Haven’t I been doing this all the while? I will save the last bit of my favourite food till the final bite. I will finish off all the itsy bitsy stuff that I don’t enjoy doing, so that I can have a block of time that I can use to focus on writing.

Again, I see this pattern in how I motivate myself. We are driven by our values, which provide us the purpose and goals in life. Specifically, all of us are either “towards” driven or “away-from” driven. While the former means you are motivated to achieve your goal by the prospect of it, the latter refers to your fear of not getting there that drives you to go for your target.

I am a mostly “towards” driven person. If my goal is to keep the house tidy, then I would envision a really clean, tidy and neat place that will provide me with more space and therefore, more “inner freedom”, which is what I desperately need for writing. 

So, what have I done? I had unconsciously mapped over this looking forward mentality to my time management as well! Therefore, I am always clearing unwanted stuff first before moving on to important things to do.

Not that it is a fatal habit, but it does cost me more time and makes me less efficient than I could be.

Putting on my coaching hat, I know I have a few options available for me depending on what is the outcome that I want. Of course, in view of the things that I plan to achieve this year, I definitely need to be in better control of my time, and to double my efficiency.

Why am I telling you all these, since it’s surely not something to boot about? Because I’d like you to take a look at how you are living your life. Without constantly reviewing your life, the way you do things, the way you handle your relationships, you will never be able to discover where you need to improve, how you can improve and what you can do about them.

By doing what I just did, you could learn new things about yourself and don’t be surprised that a certain behaviour is actually a reflection of something deeper, which requires you to think in order to see the picture.

It’s time to put down the dots, and start drawing the line to connect them. Your life picture could be just in front of you, you know? 

Sunday, February 10, 2008

A Time Of Gambling?

The era for gambling has begun again! I mean, for me.

What used to be “the” activity that would consume all my time during CNY, besides those left for eating the goodies, had long been swept under the carpet and buried in the ground.

As weird as the deep interest started, it waned too as I grew older. I guess maybe it’s because I wasn’t allowed to gamble when I was young that intrigued me all the more to lay my hands on a set of poker cards, and subsequently mahjong tiles when I was in my secondary school.

As my best friends still continue to play mahjong weekly, this game no longer entices me anymore. So does gambling.

But well, there are always exceptions. And they only apply on exceptional occasions, like Lunar New Year! Then again, I had stopped gambling since many years back.

So, when I was urged on to start again last year, I was really hesitant. While my family played their hearts (and pockets) out with a friend, I stuck my eyes on the TV set, until there was really nothing that could capture my attention for more than 1 minute. Then, I switched my interest over to what they were playing.

Soon enough, I was with them on the table praying that I will get a “Black jack” the current round, and the next round, and the next and so on.

Call it beginner’s luck (or in my case, a returner’s luck?), I won $22 over 2 hours of fighting and struggling, which were all spent on supper the same night, save for $5 in my wallet on my way home. That, I spent it all on 4D the next day too!  Since I won it from gambling, then might as well I used that to see if I get another stroke of luck, especially when I am a once-in-a-blue-moon buyer so maybe I might get real lucky. The reality is – nope, I didn’t win any more money.

Winning the money is no doubt cause for joy, but the real fun came from all the teasing, bantering and wanting-the-other-parties-which-include-our-own-family to lose in each round was enough to let us laugh till our tummy hurts.

So, having a leisure activity like gambling can be pretty harmless as well, if we see beyond what we are doing on hand and look at the relationship building that was happening.

If a family that eats together stays together, then wouldn’t one that plays and have fun together, gels together too?

What say you?

Lastly, here’s wishing all of you a Happy, Merry and Prosperous Year of the Rat! Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Trust Me. Or, Lose Me.

Late nights from Mondays to Fridays, I will be sitting on my couch watching a Korean drama on cable TV. Not that that was a particularly exciting show, but it happened to focus on a topic that I am greatly passionate about – marriage and relationship.

Out of the many problems that occur in the couple’s marriage, I can see that trust is the root of them all. Trust. Oh how much I have talked about this on my blog, in my book, in my seminars etc. And now, the couple is re-enacting all this on TV as I watched how they develop their relationship and yet destroying it at the same time.

If you think those scenarios can only happen on TV and not in our lives, then you are in great danger. Because many couples are living out those acts in real lives, because there is no trust in the relationship or marriage!

It is very saddening to see two people splitting up because of some misunderstandings that shouldn’t and wouldn’t crop up if only they trust their partner.

What do we mean by trust then? Does it cover only the fidelity part? If you don’t cheat on your partner, you automatically have a placing on the charts of Mr or Ms Trustworthy. Other things don’t matter. So long as you remain faithful.

That’s true. But only to that extent.

Although love governs a relationship, there are too many factors that cannot be ignored in order to sustain your love.

For example, if you promised to call your girlfriend, and repeatedly you didn’t fulfill your promise, do you think she will continue to place as much trust in you as she did before? Such little incidences go a big way to show how responsible and trustworthy you are, as a person and as a partner.

Women need to have stability in order to feel secure, and to feel loved too. When you are perpetually late for your dates, she can’t help but to worry that in case of emergencies, you won’t make it in time for her.

Let’s look at another example to illustrate the role of having trust in your relationship. Imagine you two had a fight, and you tend to over-react in a big way. She will see this as a way of how mature or immature you can be when handling things that have gone wrong. She will determine how much trust that she can see in you to know what to do when unforeseen circumstances arise.

Being away from your girlfriend for a long period of time, either you are serving NS full-time or you are an army regular, it is imperative that you establish strong trust between you and your partner. In times of crisis, when the whole world points the figure towards you for something you didn’t do, do not be surprised to know that your regular deposits of trust in your relationship bank will come to serve you very well. But if you have broken her trust too many times, you can’t blame her if she finds it hard to believe you again.

So, call her if you promised to. Inform her if you were going to be late, and explain why. Don’t dig up old wounds, especially hers when she bared her heart to you.

Last but not least, don’t lie. Uphold your trust and keep your partner. 

Monday, January 28, 2008

Are You Born “A-Listed”?

When you have God’s gifts, that only means half the battle is won.

What are God’s gifts? Or if you would prefer, Universe’s gifts or your born assets?

Like an angelic face and a devilish figure. Like a magnetic voice that resonates deeply. Like an ultra soft and flexible body. Like the ability to decode complex figures and equations at the snap of a finger. Like a photographic memory.

I’d give you a scenario and you tell me who you think the winner is.

Imagine two teams of 3 girls each competing for the championship for dancing.

Team A is a very visually pleasing sight. They are equally tall and slender, with pretty looking faces and a proportionate figure. You would wolf whistle at them and they turn heads wherever they go.

Team B doesn’t have the “god-given assets” of such attractive appearances. They are shorter in height, not so pretty but definitely acceptable and older in age.

On first sight, Team A gains points. They win. But, like I say, that’s only half the battle.

The real test comes from how they dance.

Team A choreographed a dance with difficult steps, but wasn’t uniform in their steps and gave judges the feeling of uncertainty.

Team B had a simpler dance in comparison, but delivered it with superb confidence, uniformity and an excellent grasp of the spirit of their dance and rhythm.

So who won? Team B. Hands down.

What does this tell us?

When we are blessed with a pretty or handsome face, we shouldn’t be arrogant. For this, you will soon find yourself blacklisted. Without hard work in what you do, you may remain as just that – pretty face and nothing more.

When we are blessed with a quick mind and wits, we shouldn’t use it to find shortcuts to success and skip building the foundation. Without a solid ground work, even if you made your millions rather quickly, you may not be able to hold that wealth.

When we are blessed with a talent like drawing, singing or dancing, to be the cream of the crop, you need to practice, practice and keep practicing. Talent will make you noticed, but discipline will make you soar. 

When half of the battle is already won without any effort on your part, it only means you should count your blessing, be thankful and work hard to win the game.

Unless you are happy with only being half-there, and half not there. Are you, or are you not?

Friday, January 25, 2008

Finding The “B” Spot – Part 2

Congratulations! The fact that you are reading this only means you have made your choice - you want to have family AND career. Or health AND career. Or your personal life AND career.

Ok, what are the options we have to get that balancing point? That point which many of us have missed, and only begin to regret when it’s too late? 

How To Find The Balance In Your Busy Life?

1. Maintain a log. Keep track of all the things you have done in the past week, including work and non-work related. At the end of the week, go through all your activities. Which ones satisfy you most? Which ones don’t? Which ones are critical and urgent and which ones aren’t so critical? By doing this, you may realise that you could be spending time less efficiently than you can be. Delete those tasks that don’t have to be done by you or you find no satisfaction in doing. Delegate them.

2. Communicate. Before you jump and say this is what you don’t have time for, then let me tell you. If you don’t have time to communicate with the people around you who are important, then you will have to find time to clear off all the misunderstandings that could have arose due to the lack of communication in the first place. Which one would you choose? To do things right the first time, or to right things done wrong later?

3. Set a time. Choose a day and time every week then you will leave blank for important life obligation. It could be time with your family, with yourself, for your hobby etc. If one slot is not enough, make it two. One for yourself only, and one for your family for example. This time of the week has to be left blank and untouched, and any other work obligation has to be arranged out of this slot. Make it a commitment to do this. You’ll be surprised that your productivity level could shoot up because you need to finish up your work before that slot of time!

4. Priorities. We all need to have priorities in life so that we can function effectively. The reason you are working like a bull in the office with no time for anything else could be because you didn’t set your priorities right, or you didn’t do it at all. Schedule your priorities, and you will know what really needs to be completed that day before you leave the office. Then do those, and leave the rest till the next day. You have other priorities which are equally, if not more, important than working overtime.

5. Learn to say “No”. I know, this can be extremely hard for certain people. However, until the day you learn to say “No” to other less-critical stuff and people, you will be saying “No” to yourself, your family and all your loved ones. Now, when will you choose to start learning this life-saving skill?

6. Be kind to yourself. When you know you are tired out, then stop. Give yourself some breaks in between. We need to recharge before we can leap higher.

7. Work options. As family-work balance is getting more attention nowadays, there are many organisations who offer their employee more work options. Technology has proven that you can be as productive even when you are on the go. So, find out what options there are for you so that you can lessen the time you are physically in the office, but still able to meet the deadlines and produce quality results. If there aren’t any, why not propose one to your boss? Successful people don’t wait for things to happen. They make things happen. Go and create change my friend.

8. Hire a coach. Why not get some assistance from a professional? At times, we could have too much clutter in our lives that make us feel so overwhelmed. Getting a coach will boost your speed to change things and find the balance back again, fast!

9. Build relationships. For whatever changes that we are going to make in our lives, it will help a great deal if we have good support from our surroundings. Tell them your goal to have a balanced life, and ask for their support and reminder. Wouldn’t it be excellent if your colleague shares the same goal as you, and both of you work at hitting the target? The same goes for your family, your spouse and your children.

These are the nine ways for you to find and maintain a balance in your busy life. AT the same time, as a love and relationship coach, I know how unique everyone can be. You may have a different degree of acceptance when it comes to being “overloaded” and your partner may also have their own definition of having time together and space.

Therefore, take these tips and implement them accordingly. What is most important is – the desire to want to create balance in your life. Because without this desire and without seeing how significant this change can be to yourself and your loved ones, you may find it difficult when you meet obstacles.

Lastly, I hope you will remember that creating changes and maintaining them is a journey. As things in life change, we need to adapt and adjust too. So, enjoy this journey and savour the finer things in life. You know there is more to it than just what you’re doing now, don’t you?

P.S To continue the analogy of cycling that I used in Part 1, here’s the ultimate test. Which do you choose – the babe or the bike? Haha… have fun and enjoy your weekend!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Finding The “B” Spot – Part 1

Hey hey, doesn’t this title sound a little bit, erm, naughty? I’m just hoping to lighten things up, before I go into the real deal.

What’s the “B” spot? Before I give you the answer, I’d like you to imagine this scenario, and see if you could place your bingo on this spot!

The scenario:
You feel the tightness in your chest. You really want to ace that promotion which means a big deal to 1) your authority, 2) your paycheck and 3) your reputation. You need to put in 100% or maybe more so that you can beat all your competitors and make the gap between you so huge that they can never hope to catch up.

The dilemma – where is the “B” spot? How can you find it, and when you do, how do you maintain it?

Life is hectic. Yet life is challenging. Yet, life is full of hope and surprises. You just need to go and find that balance so that you can have the cake and eat it too!

Yes, “B” is for “Balance”.

I was looking at how cyclists balance themselves on two wheels, and thought – when we are learning how to cycle, it’s about finding that balancing point. You fall and bleed during the process. But when you do find it, you feel liberated. You feel free. You can ride away and enjoy the breeze, the speed and the momentum.

Then you turn and look at those who don’t know how to cycle, and you wonder what they have missed out in this world.

Finding balance in life is the same. You need to know - where are the areas you will fall when you don’t exert strength on? Which are the ones that will snap when you don’t pay attention to? How can you have both speed and safety at the same time? At times you notice that, in order to have safety, you need to compromise on speed. This is what we call by finding the balance.

Making compromises are necessary in life. You need to know what your priorities and goals are and how you want to reach them.

You could arrive in style, or you could arrive in chaos. Which do you choose?

Family or career? Or family and career?

Only when you are sure which choice to make then you can make that happen. In Part 2, I’ll show you how to have your cake and eat it too!